Moot point

I was talking to a friend last evening and he was tending to go on about a topic which really got under my skin.
Is it better to tell him to stop talking about this topic and hurt him or let him go on and let myself be upset and stew about it the whole evening?

Maslow's Hierarchy and Wants

What women want.

At level 1 are women who just want to be married - and for various reasons its just not happening
At level 2 are women who want a stable husband, who doesn't drink or beat her too much.
At level 3 are the women who long for a little house, money to run the household and educate the children and buy a simple chain or earring.
At the top, we have the women who long for companionship and understanding and shared interests and loving care.

In between are women who ask for children, great career, health, loving relationships, more material things .....

Whatever we have, our wants are in a rung above. Isnt this just part of being human?

Being Grateful

Come the monsoon, Im made aware of the basics -water, gas,power and telephone and being grateful for them. We've just come through 24 hours without power and life is pretty quiet without light and warmth and song. Sometimes we live a week without and making do and good cheer are stretched very thin :-)

My basics are probably luxuries for many. And maybe this happens to remind me not to take anything for granted. Or get too attached.

One picture that does haunt me is Saddam Hussein's last bunker. A man who lived in grand palaces with halls as large as football grounds reduced to a hole in the ground. How easily life changes circumstances.
An earthquake or cyclone or a tsunami can change it for ordinary people; it doesn't have to be political upheavals.

Mozhi and Relationships

I've just been watching the film Mozhi in full after seeing it in a great many drips on TV. Its a lovely film with lovely people, not only lovely on the outside but on the inside too.

The hero asks the actually-bright but literally-dumb heroine to marry him. While she sees her deafness as a barrier, he says he will enter her world, share it with her and love her for ever.

While this is all so beautiful, I do wonder if its realistically possible for two people to live in a happy ever after mode. Relationships go in such cycles especially when you live together in proximity.All the nitty gritty of life plays such a big part in expectations and who does what and for whom. Not only with a couple but even with parents, siblings, friends and aunts and uncles and cousins.

At times, you are happily coexisting and at others, you even hate the way someone is eating. A lot has to do with how your life is going on in other parts. Everything gets reflected in the home.

Where does someone find the energy to be nice kind and loving always after fighting the big battles outside? He or she has to be extraordinarily centered and love life and himself/herself.

Thirukadaiyur

Thirukadaiyur is the place to which many people go to celebrate the fact that they have lived through life for 60 or 80 years; but there is a catch - you can only celebrate if your spouse is alive and the second, you have to be a male.
I don't think females get to celebrate their birthdays so publicly.

In these days, it may not be so remarkable to live healthily and happily for 60 years, still its an occasion to rejoice. So last weekend found us in Thirukadaiyur, happily celebrating Umanna's birthday. There were about 20 other people too celebrating their Sashtiyaptha Poorthi though one 80 year old doing the Shathabishekam had to be revived later.

Its very festive with an elephant who comes and welcomes and escorts each couple into the temple. He must be pretty dizzy by the end of the day . Then there is a is a pretty looking cow and calf doing the blessings. These are commonly shared by all the family groups gathered and sometimes, the nadaswaram troupe is shared too.

The temple is large, ancient and black with the fumes of the large number of homams going on everyday. The sanctums are dark, the stones depressed with the imprint of thousands of feet, all surfaces possible carry a layer of vibhuti or kumkum, traces of flowers and oil and puja debris are everywhere . There is a fantastic sense of good cheer in the temple because its all about rejoicing -just being alive.The floors are decorated with huge painted colourful kolams reflected in the very colourful and detailed gopurams.

The puja is remarkably easy to arrange with package deals now including food (good and cheap) laid on nearby; hotel rooms line the road to the temple and lots of other temples to visit in surrounding areas.

The temple deifies Markendeya who put his belief in his Lord Siva , and clung to the lingam at Thirukaidyoor resolutely when Yama came to collect him once his 16 years were up. Shiva killed Yama and blessed Markendeya with eternal youth. But of course later he forgave Yama, so Yama now guards the temple.

Another special deity is of Kalla Varanappillayar. When the devas were churning the milky ocean , they came up with amrutam.But in their haste, they'd forgotten to pray to Pillaiyar who has to be called first before embarking on any good act. He stole the pot and hid it here. Once appeased , he forgave and handed it over. But the amrutam transformed itself as Shivalingam - thus called 'Amrutagateshwarar'.

The third story is about Goddess Abhirami.
Abirami Bhattar, lived in blind devotion to Goddess Abirami and composed the - "Abirami Anthathi" in her praise. He was branded a lunatic by his critics and they complained to the then King Sarabhoji. Sarabhoji came to the temple and asked Abirami Bhattar "what is the thithi today?" - In deep meditation and looking at the Goddess' moon-face, he replied 'today is pournami (poornima) day" whereas it was actually Amavasya Thithi. Enraged with his answer, the King said "if no moon is sighted today - you will be consigned to flames". A huge fire-ball was erected. Abhirami Bhattar sat on a wooden plank above it and started singing hymns towards Goddess. When he finished, Goddess Abirami threw her ear-stud in the space, which got transformed into a full-moon, lighting the world.

Altogether a very interesting temple and a heartwarming occasion.

How to Get there!
We got to Thirukadaiyur by traveling to Kumbakonam by a fast train and then cabbing it from there - it took about 90 minutes.
Mayiladutharai (22 km) and Seergazhi (30 km)are large towns nearby.
Besides, Nagapatinam and Chidambaram to which there are a large number of bus services.
The nearest airport is at Trichy .

Kamaraj's bday- World Literacy Promotion Day

One little bit for Literacy promotion.
This is our 'tution' class. As of Today. Since the number is rapidly growing and I have to use all sorts of threats to thin it down. It takes a lot of patience and I have to get smarter each day. And hopefully employ another teacher.

On occasion like today, when I ask for a list of 'action' words (verbs) and there are a lot of shouts, 'Rajini, Vjay, Vijaykanth, then Im hard put to stop laughing like mad. And I go on.

After a year of teaching 8 kids at home, and crossing a lot of language barriers, I have quit worrying about whether I'm, really doing them any good. I found my answer in Shama Futehally.When she says, 'just your presence is enough to make a difference to their lives. Interacting with a person out of their class, is broadening their minds. The book learning comes second'.

Bed n' brekker

Yday was a fun morning. A meeting with TTDC to promote the bed n breakfast concept.

An announcement in the newspapers, phones that didn't work in the offices when you rang to confirm timings, official speeches thanking one and all for being gracious enough to do their job, biscuits and tea, forms to fill ,one spokesman from outside the govt and no one really too committed or well-informed about the concept being promoted.

The poor guys met their match in Ooty's vocal lot. The locals took the opportunity to run down the lack of infrastructure for tourists, 'roads that have to hold world records for the time they look to be laid ', 'drain-brains' in the district, environmental hazards caused by the govt; red tape encountered by those already in the business, apathy of officers and so on.

Of course the officers had the final say 'the govt will look into it and do the needful'.

The tourist guide who listed the do-s and donts of hosting foreigners had this to say. 'Dont give up your individuality. For instance, my wife a Tambram insists on people washing their feet when they visit the loo. She serves them kesari and bajji'. He tops it up with beer for which he charges the visitors.

But for me the icing was meeting my old neighbours from Coimbatore there. They came home for an impromptu lunch and chat and were on their way. Its the surprise and goodwill that lingers on fragrantly.

Goes round?

Does what we give come back to us? Through someone else? That's what we say and like to believe. But I had one instance happen to me yday.

An acquaintance - I can't even call him a friend - leaving town turned up and left me with more than 40 potted plants. An unexpected gift and one which is heart warming. The sight of 30 plants banked together can give warm pleasure to anyone whatever the plants.

I don't know this person too well. So why?

Many many years ago when we shifted to Madras, I handed over my young plant collection to an acquaintance- actually she was a friend of my mother's. I would have forgotten the deed except that she often brings it up.It seemed to be outside her experience that anyone could just hand over something without expecting something in return.
She has been so kind over the years, giving much more in return that my deed hardly counts.

This man knows what he's talking about

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game,she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her! .. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

I agree, agree!

Too Much of A Good Thing

I'm sure many people think it would be great to have a live-in Doctor. On hand to consult for the most minor sniffles to suspect large pains. Well, I can tell you that on-tap consulting works in reverse and the family thrives mostly on neglect rather than TLC.

I've just been baby-sitting my niece and her new born son.After a week of being surrounded by docs and hearing stuff like 'it cant be pathological;it must be physiological' and 'what's the pharma?' about any tablet and debates about modes of treatment, all I can say is Ignorance is bliss when it comes to medicine.

You put your trust in your doctor and the hospital and the nurse and that things will turn out right.

This poor babe didn't stand a chance of this happening. When mother, father, grandfathers, grandmother and even great grandfather are doctors, then its doubt and questioning and discussion all the way. Throw in an uncle or two who rings up regularly to say ' this is the latest way in the UK/Lancet '. And it gets merrier.
Vanaja put it nicely 'oh, everyone but the baby was a doctor?'

Among the latest techniques is KMT (Kangaroo Mother's touch) In this case, it was more KFT. Young fathers are so much more hands on- with wives and babies, I say yahoo for them.

We who have lived for about half a century know that health tenets are like fashion- they come around in cycles. Mother's milk vs supplements; carry babes around vs leave them alone;on demand feeding vs timed feeds; give rest to mother vs make them exercise fast; strict diets vs eat all - there are so many issues to debate :-)

But this sojourn in hospital really brought home to me that each baby is a miracle - something that I've taken for granted. When you watch tearful parents, some with scan reports in their hands, some with misshaped babies, some with dashed hopes then one realizes just to have a healthy baby itself is a wonderful gift.

A friend in the IT industry was telling me that the fertility clinics these days are filled with young parents. They have no medical problems but stress and lifestyle act as deterrents to conceive. Plans to put off babies are foolish is his opinion - as someone who put off a baby for 3 years and then had to wait an anxious 3 more to hold his own son. Nothing can beat that feeling he says.