Yesterday I was in Coimbatore, for what was hopefully, my last visit to the dentist for a long long time. To celebrate, I met up with a childhood friend who happened to be in town too and we went out together.
Promptly, at 8.p.m. she received a call from her mother asking, when are you coming home. My friend told her Mom, that we might be late as we were having dinner outside. A little disapproval there.
Then I called my father to tell him the same. He said, get back home fast.. don't be late.
We had to reflect that our kids were out somewhere till 10 p.m. but we had to be back home early. But things have changed a little in 25 years. Curfew seems to have moved from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. :-)
The crazier part is we couldn't even tell our respective parents where we'd been. Nothing illegal or 'bad' about it but just somewhere they wouldn't like. We thought it better that they didn't know about it.
What are our kids keeping from us??? Do i want to know??
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Too Much of A Good Thing
I'm sure many people think it would be great to have a live-in Doctor. On hand to consult for the most minor sniffles to suspect large pains. Well, I can tell you that on-tap consulting works in reverse and the family thrives mostly on neglect rather than TLC.
I've just been baby-sitting my niece and her new born son.After a week of being surrounded by docs and hearing stuff like 'it cant be pathological;it must be physiological' and 'what's the pharma?' about any tablet and debates about modes of treatment, all I can say is Ignorance is bliss when it comes to medicine.
You put your trust in your doctor and the hospital and the nurse and that things will turn out right.
This poor babe didn't stand a chance of this happening. When mother, father, grandfathers, grandmother and even great grandfather are doctors, then its doubt and questioning and discussion all the way. Throw in an uncle or two who rings up regularly to say ' this is the latest way in the UK/Lancet '. And it gets merrier.
Vanaja put it nicely 'oh, everyone but the baby was a doctor?'
Among the latest techniques is KMT (Kangaroo Mother's touch) In this case, it was more KFT. Young fathers are so much more hands on- with wives and babies, I say yahoo for them.
We who have lived for about half a century know that health tenets are like fashion- they come around in cycles. Mother's milk vs supplements; carry babes around vs leave them alone;on demand feeding vs timed feeds; give rest to mother vs make them exercise fast; strict diets vs eat all - there are so many issues to debate :-)
But this sojourn in hospital really brought home to me that each baby is a miracle - something that I've taken for granted. When you watch tearful parents, some with scan reports in their hands, some with misshaped babies, some with dashed hopes then one realizes just to have a healthy baby itself is a wonderful gift.
A friend in the IT industry was telling me that the fertility clinics these days are filled with young parents. They have no medical problems but stress and lifestyle act as deterrents to conceive. Plans to put off babies are foolish is his opinion - as someone who put off a baby for 3 years and then had to wait an anxious 3 more to hold his own son. Nothing can beat that feeling he says.
I've just been baby-sitting my niece and her new born son.After a week of being surrounded by docs and hearing stuff like 'it cant be pathological;it must be physiological' and 'what's the pharma?' about any tablet and debates about modes of treatment, all I can say is Ignorance is bliss when it comes to medicine.
You put your trust in your doctor and the hospital and the nurse and that things will turn out right.
This poor babe didn't stand a chance of this happening. When mother, father, grandfathers, grandmother and even great grandfather are doctors, then its doubt and questioning and discussion all the way. Throw in an uncle or two who rings up regularly to say ' this is the latest way in the UK/Lancet '. And it gets merrier.
Vanaja put it nicely 'oh, everyone but the baby was a doctor?'
Among the latest techniques is KMT (Kangaroo Mother's touch) In this case, it was more KFT. Young fathers are so much more hands on- with wives and babies, I say yahoo for them.
We who have lived for about half a century know that health tenets are like fashion- they come around in cycles. Mother's milk vs supplements; carry babes around vs leave them alone;on demand feeding vs timed feeds; give rest to mother vs make them exercise fast; strict diets vs eat all - there are so many issues to debate :-)
But this sojourn in hospital really brought home to me that each baby is a miracle - something that I've taken for granted. When you watch tearful parents, some with scan reports in their hands, some with misshaped babies, some with dashed hopes then one realizes just to have a healthy baby itself is a wonderful gift.
A friend in the IT industry was telling me that the fertility clinics these days are filled with young parents. They have no medical problems but stress and lifestyle act as deterrents to conceive. Plans to put off babies are foolish is his opinion - as someone who put off a baby for 3 years and then had to wait an anxious 3 more to hold his own son. Nothing can beat that feeling he says.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Parenting
They had rods pierced through their tongues, ropes under the skin of their backs and other places. I didn't look too hard. It sends goose pimples up anyone watching.
And my cousin brother promptly told his young daughters- don't look. His wife said, of course not, let them see and accept. The kids said - we have seen such things on TV.
We try so hard to keep evil away from our children. We buy amulets and charms, go to God men to get specially blessings for our children; do our pujas and mantras taking care not to let inauspicious people like divorcees and widows participate.
We avoid discussions on drugs money and sex. Hoping that they wont think about any of them.
We generally try to be wise as we can; avoiding all the pitfalls we felt with our parents.
But still, we have to accept what they make of themselves finally.
" Which father, which teacher has been able to protect him (his son) from living his life for himself, from burdening himself with guilt, from drinking the bitter drink for himself, from finding the path for himself? Would you think that anybody might be spared from taking this path? that perhaps your little son would be spared, because you love him, because you would like to keep him from suffering and pain and disappointment?But even if you would die 10 times for him, you would not be able to take the slightest part of his destiny upon himself. "
Herman Hesse in Siddhartha.
This is a book that you can appreciate and like only at a certain stage in life. I have read it before and it didn't appeal. Suddenly now, it makes sense.
And my cousin brother promptly told his young daughters- don't look. His wife said, of course not, let them see and accept. The kids said - we have seen such things on TV.
We try so hard to keep evil away from our children. We buy amulets and charms, go to God men to get specially blessings for our children; do our pujas and mantras taking care not to let inauspicious people like divorcees and widows participate.
We avoid discussions on drugs money and sex. Hoping that they wont think about any of them.
We generally try to be wise as we can; avoiding all the pitfalls we felt with our parents.
But still, we have to accept what they make of themselves finally.
" Which father, which teacher has been able to protect him (his son) from living his life for himself, from burdening himself with guilt, from drinking the bitter drink for himself, from finding the path for himself? Would you think that anybody might be spared from taking this path? that perhaps your little son would be spared, because you love him, because you would like to keep him from suffering and pain and disappointment?But even if you would die 10 times for him, you would not be able to take the slightest part of his destiny upon himself. "
Herman Hesse in Siddhartha.
This is a book that you can appreciate and like only at a certain stage in life. I have read it before and it didn't appeal. Suddenly now, it makes sense.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Taare Zameen Par
-M's daughter is in National Law School, a place she worked hard to achieve.Couple of years into school, she's not sure this is what she wants. M wonders if all this hard work and career orientation is all there is in life?
-S's son works in a trading organisation ; a job that pays dividends. Now he feels life can't be about just money and he's itching to discover out the rest.
-G's son refuses to take the PG degree she thinks is necessary - he wants to quit his job and see the world.
- R opted out of placements in IIM to try and pursue a low paying job in journalism. (His large educational loan is growing and he plans to get an additional loan to study journalism.
These are all kids I know personally and have their parents worried about what is going on in their kid's heads.
Our gen had it simple. We were middle class, happy to get a seat somewhere in some good college ,study hard, happy to get that job and work hard to keep family and soul together. Few of us had alternate thoughts.
But now our kids are born into a greater degree of affluence. None of these kids have to provide for their parents so one pushing force has been removed.
Parents too recognize the right to pursue a dream. To choose their own path. Which doesnt have to be well trodden.
Yet, yday when Kalpana, a child sponsored by FF (Kalpana is on the home page).
came to ask Science or Maths for her Plus Two course; I instinctively say- go for Math you could become an Engg and get a fat salary. Although she has opted for Pure Science because that is the only course available to her in Tamil medium.
She is scared to study in English although she will be forced to do it when she goes to college. Her idea is to become a teacher. For a cowherd's daughter, that is a big dream. I tell her that I will help out with her lessons in the evenings. Will she switch , Im not sure.
Is my advice right? Im not sure.
-S's son works in a trading organisation ; a job that pays dividends. Now he feels life can't be about just money and he's itching to discover out the rest.
-G's son refuses to take the PG degree she thinks is necessary - he wants to quit his job and see the world.
- R opted out of placements in IIM to try and pursue a low paying job in journalism. (His large educational loan is growing and he plans to get an additional loan to study journalism.
These are all kids I know personally and have their parents worried about what is going on in their kid's heads.
Our gen had it simple. We were middle class, happy to get a seat somewhere in some good college ,study hard, happy to get that job and work hard to keep family and soul together. Few of us had alternate thoughts.
But now our kids are born into a greater degree of affluence. None of these kids have to provide for their parents so one pushing force has been removed.
Parents too recognize the right to pursue a dream. To choose their own path. Which doesnt have to be well trodden.
Yet, yday when Kalpana, a child sponsored by FF (Kalpana is on the home page).
came to ask Science or Maths for her Plus Two course; I instinctively say- go for Math you could become an Engg and get a fat salary. Although she has opted for Pure Science because that is the only course available to her in Tamil medium.
She is scared to study in English although she will be forced to do it when she goes to college. Her idea is to become a teacher. For a cowherd's daughter, that is a big dream. I tell her that I will help out with her lessons in the evenings. Will she switch , Im not sure.
Is my advice right? Im not sure.
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