Polish Your Silver for that Inner peace

Ive been going around in a mild state of aimlessness. Ooty in the monsoons can bring that on tremendously compounded by not having anything much to do. Of course there is always the house to keep cleaner and trying to write the great novel .

Lao, Tao, the Geetha and everyone worth quoting says 'Give up your inner self. Just be. Surrender'. Seems easy but then one has to concentrate on that. Fight those feelings of ennui that grip as darkness creeps in.

Probably next week or next month or next year when Im swamped by Things to Do then I will look back on this period with nostalgia. What bliss to have nothing to Do and I didn't realise it. Like my sis says, You re lucky to be bored!

Whom did I read this week?
Ruth Rendell: Lots of description of buildings and parks in London which I skipped. She's into the mind of the tramp who prefers to stay outdoors. Her stories are sometimes creepy but end with a jolt.

Chaim Potok: The Chosen Dr.Chaim Potok gives an insight in to Jewish minds and a lot of Jewish history. But the characters with their thirst for knowledge and the inner life: they astound. There is one incident where a player throws a stinger ball at the batsman in a baseball game. It hits him in the eye and he is hospitalised. When the pitcher comes to apologise, he says you were supposed to duck, why didn't you? And the hitter says I didnt want to. The recognition of the subtleties in life.. that's great.

Shashi Tharoor: Bookless in Baghdad. A collection of his essays. Not really great writing like his novels which I like but very much a reflection of Indian education of my generation. Odes to Pg Wodehouse. Talk of riots and Mahabhartha.
Reading the geetha where Krishna tells Arjuna to fight. But here, Tharoor says the Mahabaratha ends with a call for pacifism!
Makes me want to reread Great Indian Novel and Show Biz which was about AB really altho he denies it.

Margaret Atwood: A writer with great craft and such an eye for detail. But I'm skipping through it. Not in the mood.

Sunday went by like molasses.

Sunday went by like molasses.
That's what I thought. Slow, sticky, sweet and rather pleasant without being demanding.

And then I thought what do I know of molasses? Growing up and living in South India, all I know is sticky sweet jaggery or better 'vellam'. Which I've seen being pounded under the strong feet of dirty labourers in hot Trichy. A sight which my kids can see no more. All they know is the clean round large balls of jaggery in sanitised polythene. They don't know those pyramid shaped cones which we used to suck on, spitting out the dirt in the end after badgering whoever in the kitchen, on long hot afternoons with nothing to do.

Then why am I talking of molasses? Because of my English education and all the reading I do. Phrases which have nothing to do with my life pop up automatically in my head.

But without it, would I ever know how a lesbian feels when her partner has a child and she is the other Mommy and wonders desperately how the child will bond with her and what will she teach it to call her? A life experience I could never imagine or think about if I didnt have this English education.

People and Layers

Two actresses of yesteryear were talking on tv of how they interact with the actors of today. The young people come in with a feeling of awe and after a while, they become very casual; maybe thinking 'oh that's all to you" and showing it sometimes.

In all the relationships we have too - first its so much wonder and awe and delight. We think how great it is that this awesome person is now interacting with us. But as the relationship proceeds and we discover the layers underneath, then the awe wears off a bit. We see the other side with its not so pretty things. We discover frailties where we thought only rock existed. The new ideas that charmed and attracted us we take for granted and sometimes we find that there is not much more.

The veneer wears as ours does too. We take the other person for granted. Sometimes a distance grows once the initial excitement of discovery has gone. But then, something happens and you turn to this person again. And you discover the core of affection that remains.

So it is with everyone, rich or poor, famous or not. There is the good and bad and you have to decide which is the mix you can live with.

workmen

Why do workmen in the house reduce me to one scatterbrain. just clearing up now for sticking a few tiles in the kitchen.. ive dropped 5 things, broken one glass bell and generally become a twit.

Im not prepared, because finding a mason is like finding a 500 Rs note unexpectedly in your cupboard and im suprised to find him turn up. Only the tiles have been bought impromptu last evening. the kitchen hasnt been cleared which im doing in a hurry. food isnt cooked which I should have done.

life doesn't prepare you for these events. you can't plan one week ahead, say Im going to do this and get things ready. It doesnt work like that anymore when you do these itsty bitsy jobs. you have to take it or him as he comes.

Dressing Up or Down?

Why does one create a blog and then abandon it for weeks? Because you have so many people in your life ( read guests) so why talk to yourself. Another way to dry up is to tell people, yoohooo I have this blog. Please please read it. And then you are conscious you are writing for other people, ( you imagine people are going to log in the moment you finish) not yourself and your thoughts go somewhere they shouldn't.

Its wedding season and I don't seem to have anything to wear? Where did everything go? What did I do all these years? Why isn't Mummy around so I can blame everything on her? You never bought me anything. Now I have to think of my kids too and shoulder their silent accusations bravely. And pray desperately they are not buying stuff I will dislike. And pray even more desperately that even if I dislike it, God give me the strength to say lovely and stuff a hanky in my mouth.

Now that I have reached the beginnings of middle ages, (I hope I'm going to be here a long while before I get old) I seem to want look good. I need good clothes, good stuff. And maybe a little bit of make up to help.

Actually make up is not for the young. They don't need the help do they? Any girl at 17 is pretty. She just has to be 17. Vadivel has slightly different take on this one. Its for the older woman who is dying to compete and look just a little better before she gives up.

I read in Femina today that both types - those who use make up and those who don't are equally contemptuous and envious of the other half!!!
Those without make up think that the ones with are looking glamorous and are making the best of themselves.
The make up types think the other half is looking down on them. The signal from that side is ' Im fine as I am. I don't need you to think I look good. So stay off'.
And women who work in a very male dominated environment don't use make up, dont gossip or flirt because they want to blend in with the rest of the crowd.
That' strange. But seems understandable.

Men say they don't like women who look made up. Then why do they ogle so?:-))

Okay, lets get dressed.