When I started blogging, it was purely catharsis. I was writing things that I felt and thought with much less inhibition then I would have if I was actually speaking to someone. I did tell some members of my family about it, but as usual, they didn't take much notice of it. So I blithely continued sounding off.
Then one day, suddenly I realised that people were reading the blog and they were people I didnt know. So, suddenly I was saying 'my daughter' instead of Sindhu and so on.Changes were made unconsciously.
A little while later, I realise that I don't speak my mind so freely anymore. 'what will they think'? is something that does come in. Negative thoughts are not written about so much. I have to strive now to be 'me.'
All I can say is, I will keep striving and not get slotted into a persona I think other people think is me.
To the handful of regular readers, who might be wondering if I've gone done under - I've been away for a few days. And now have the house and my time filled with a few friends of Darshini, my elder daughter - shopping, cooking, chopping, driving.
But its worth all the trouble when I can feast my eyes on a group of people tucking into 2 different types of cake and gulab jamuns just after a large breakfast. To the cook, it is wonderful after getting used to a crowd of middle aged low carb- low fat- low cholestrol-low cal- No, no no types.
We are contemplating a long long trek the day after tomorrow in virgin forest land. I had to sit outside the DFOs office for many many hours to get permission for this trip which were sad, to say filled with many many unbecoming thoughts.
I thought the trek was 2 hours up and 2 hours down, but i hear that it's more like 8 hours up and 8 hours down.
Im trying not to think of my very unathletic state. And if I can cope. This could be my last chance to do the trek. So, if I survive, I will be back here- with a limp maybe but victorious :-)))))))))))