Those Middle Ages

You are Invited

2011-01-21T21:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, when a doctor I met casually in a nursing home heard me through the usual rigmarole of how I was going to come home one day soon to invite him and said casually ‘no formalities, just hand it over”, I could have hugged him. I did. Hand the card over.

Im beginning to realize (a little late) that the wedding invite is the most crucial part of the wedding, next to the food, maybe.

Its not the card – which no one really cares about except oneself in the light of the many hours put in, designing it .One in a 1000 people will tell you it looks good.

It’s the way you invite people that matters. And the biggest mistake is to take people close to you for granted. Of course Im so so guilty of this and that’s why I am impelled to write this to help other less prepared mortals in what lies ahead.

I used to think, rather mistakenly, that the connection with people is already there so you send across a card and they come or don’t come depending on how strong your bond is and the convenience of travel. But that is not how it works. What matters is how you relate to them right now when you present the card.

Top of the list is actually turning up in person with the card at their home, not office. Then everyone feels good about themselves and you and feels obliged to come. On this occasion, you have to mention all dates and times and functions and feasts, cutting across stories of their children and activities.
A new addition to be mentioned is accommodation. Traditionally people just landed up in the wedding house and made themselves comfortable in whatever way they could. Now rooms and hotels have to be mentioned and booked and since many people only make up their minds at the last minute to come; it becomes a little tough because Indian style, everyone expects to be feted anyway for having traveled this long way

If you live far away and can use that as an excuse, then you can send the cards by post. And follow it up with a phone call. Right now, I am the black sheep of the family for having broken ground by inviting people by this method. But I’m sure, people in the family hosting the next weddings are going to be glad.

It’s gladdening when someone says, do send me an invite I’d so like to be there.
But when people say, send one to my brother in law, father in law, sister or other people who are important to them but you’ve barely met ,because that person would love the attention, then it feels a little crazy. In some cases, people come along to enjoy the place or as an interesting experience.

Be sure that young married couples and even little twirps living away in college are invited separately. This can lead to much friction, I assure you.

Next is email to all those who live overseas. It is hard to write an email inviting people insincerely to a wedding you are sure they are not going to attend. Some may be cousins you hear from once in 5 years. Yet you do.

When one of them calls and says, ‘thank you for thinking of me’; then it really is worth it. Because each invite does carry a piece of you. Each person is on one of your lists and you do make an effort to discover addresses and phone numbers, email ids. If some one gives you a feedback, it does feel good.

Im as guilty as anyone else of ignoring the majority of wedding invitations. But now I do realize, somewhere someone is thinking of me/us and it is good to respond in whatever way I can.

In an ideal world, you wouldn’t hand out invites at all. Those who feel connected will turn up. But till then invitations reign supreme. And you ‘d better make them sound sincere.

It's been a While

2011-01-21T21:18:00.000-08:00

Its' been a while since I posted here but now it seems time to take up this blog again. So many issues seem to need my insightful slants. Or I just need to let off steam and thoughts into the world. So, this is my place once again.

Making Lemonade!

2009-11-24T06:11:00.000-08:00

Schools were closed for 10 days during the rains and after. The kids naturally, had a blast! cycling ...,

Cricket...

The stands....

and a form of country sledding with home made 'vandi's or sleds.These are made with three sticks, a few ball bearings , string and enthusiasm. They come apart after a couple of rides, but the kids fix it and trudge up the hill again for that wonderful, bone shaking ride downwards till they land up laughing, breathless thrown up on a grass bank and the contraption under them comes loose again.

the engineers

Weekend Hideout in Ooty

2009-11-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of reasons why you should think twice before you buy that little weekend bungalow in Ooty, especially from developers.

These buildings sunk a few feet below road level.And are hanging on

Devastation in the Nilgiris

2009-11-18T19:58:00.001-08:00

(courtesy Prince Patrick)

The Difficulty of Doing Good

2009-11-17T05:14:00.000-08:00

A record breaking amount of rain in the Nilgiris.

Reports of people being buried under landfalls and houses that crumbled under the onslaught of continuous rain and wind and mud that came suddenly sliding down trickled in by word of mouth because power lines lay broken as trees crashed everywhere blocking off road access for many hours. We didn’t have access to radio and were spared the sights on TV news channels for a few days.

But even looking around the school in our area where as many as 200 people were housed in 3 rooms tugged at the heart.

I thought since it was on my doorstep I should go see what was happening. Harassed officials were slowly getting a semblance of order. Food was donated by several charitable organizations and delivered by the hoteliers associations. A couple of plastic tanks supplied water. A medical team came everyday to attend to any signs of spreading disease
.
Everyday was spent waiting for the minister to come and solve their problems. After three days, his PA turned up and gave them Rs.2000 each. Later a blanket was supplied.
Of course, it all became a matter of survival of the fittest. It is really tough in this kind of situation to impose any kind of discipline. Sifting the genuinely-in-distress from the hangers on who were there to see if they could get any freebies is a sensitive issue. In that short space of time, officials can hardly visit the affected areas and identify the people who have lost the most. They rely on the area ‘s leaders who are not too reliable. Given the politics of the situation, I think the government did a great job with immediate relief.

(pic courtesy: The Hindu)
Still people had many wants and demands. A few friends and I collected some used clothes and took them there in a hurry. But the officer in charge was loath to distribute them. Every time some kind of relief appeared, numbers seem to double magically. And fights escalated. He didn’t want any more trouble than he could help.

Now the school has been emptied. Some people have gone back home and hopefully to their jobs. The truly displaced and the jobless are housed in another location. They wait in hope for more hands and relief measures to help them.

We have become a nation where we wait for someone to help us out. But can we truly blame people who are so poverty stricken that they have to grab all they can?

Zapping the Gap

2009-11-13T05:39:00.000-08:00

Once you stop writing; it’s difficult to start writing again. You wonder why you should.
But maybe it’s a habit that doesn’t let go off you so easily.

So here I am again.

Woken up by the torrential rain and wind that hit us in the Nilgiris, so hard. Leaving so much devastation. I took my camera to take some pictures but somehow it didn’t work. Probably it meant that we shouldn’t be getting voyeuristic pleasure out of other people’s distress.

But people were anxious to show how much they’d suffered. .Cracks in the walls, roofs, broken walls, damaged floors, mud hanging over on the pitch of the roof,.
Hoping that we’d help in some way .The pathos of a new house for a new young couple with just a window frame left standing over the rubble; the roof blown away.

After a while, you are not absorbing anymore of the sad scenes because life is going on around you .
Five small kids sitting around a carom board in the watery sunshine on a ledge above a road half covered with mud and stones.
That picture stayed with me and helped obliterate the others a bit.

Lessons From Living - People Savvy

2009-08-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

Getting along with the people we share this planet with

Be nice – Ravi (45)

Treat others the way you want others to treat you –PC (55)

A simple smile works wonders though its your enemy.
Accept the people the way they are and not for the way you want them to be.
You are never right always to comment and judge other people _ Haru (20)

Love your enemies – Janet, (49)

Don’t open your mouth in the wrong place. Someimes, its better not to show you know something even when you do –Girija (35)

One thing I learnt however is to keep my mouth firmly shut when others are voicing their opinions about things and people close to them. You are damned if you agree and damned if you don't !!!! Raji Muthukrishnan (62)

To keep smiling always. To take things light. And to shut my big mouth though I feel am right. Gitanjali (25 and newly married)

I leant not to cheat anybody – not to believe anybody – enjoy a little without crossing any limits- believe in gods, -there is nothing in the world without them- whatever you do- keep in your mind that everybody are watching- us.
Forget the past try to be the best in the present –
Take life as your challenge –and reach your destiny – Girija

'no matter what its the skill or knowledge one has speaks' –Rajesh ramanujam (35)

Listen to your elders – swarna (32)

When in one trouble one approaches the person with willingness and the ability to solve your problems –
I realize that when people come to you in trouble, all they want most of the time is a listening ear.
BJ Krishnan (63)

The one lesson that I have learned and have realized is that balance is the essence of life. Too much of anything, including good things like being too nice is harmful :).
Oswin Samuel (25)

Real everyday stuff that works –
Getting up earlier than your family so you have time for yourself is a great start
-kallu
An early morning walk in fresh air even if its only 5 min to get the milk is a great start to the day -kapu
When you are really desperate; turn to your family even its only to fill up lifebuoy questionnaires -sind
No matter how bad the situation, Happiness is just a bar of chocolate away –Dachu (25)
80% of the work is done by 20% of members in a team- sindhu (22)

Lessons From Living -III

2009-08-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Qualities that help along the way!

To achieve our greatest part of endurance is "COURAGE" –Aristotle –contributed by Kumari (44)

Patience-Ramkumar(30)

Gain or learn by experience –Goutham
It is always better to make life simple and uncomplicated as possible. –Anita N(40)
Attitude and individuality matters a lot. - Haru

Money is the deciding factor. Better to realize it late than never –Anandhi (45)

Lost opportunities in money making deals are my only regrets – so don’t be afraid to take risks – Ramesh (45)

Must say that the best thing I have learnt would be that I am going to lose as much as I can win, so I take both as well - however, I hate not having competed - so, try and compete - win or lose is not that big a deal ! – vijaykanth (53)

Get to the bottom of the problem" - be it professional, personal, national... - mahendran (49)

Expectations hurts. (ouch! That hurts)

Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one – Newton (49)

Work hard..no substitute for hard work ..Sheela (45)

The big results can be achieved by altering the small things – Babu (29)

To accept changes and to be a lot more humane –Geetha (45)

Lessons from Living!! -II

2009-08-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

Happy people about happiness! – The (B)Right Attitude

`Always look on the bright side of life ... Babu (age 50)

Anything may happen anytime.. people will change … so enjoy life.. dont take things seriously why kavalai??? – Sajit (age 15)

Happiness lies in what you have got. And not in what you feel have lost. –Kalai (50)

Be happy with what you have while striving for better things-Kapu (43)

That every day is better than the rest – Banu (49)

Do what you deem right within the bounds of reason – Jyothi (25)

live life to the fullest and for the moment only. –Sastha Prakash (30)

Highly philosophical

In life nothing is permanent. so making far fetched plans ahead can be redundant sometimes. Life itself is only a phase that we pass through so as long as we at are it, I believe we live righteously.
In short love and be loved. Goutham (48)

We always searching for something in our life which exists and not exists but need to have space for everyone and everything in our life.- damu (35)

Mystery story Writers

2009-08-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

One of the things that add such a huge Zing to my Life I've discovered is a Well- Written-Mystery-Story I go about with such a glow the whole day, its worth it to read lots of these:-)

A recent addition to my list of Favorite Authors is :

Josephine Tey- Elegant Prose - I can't reveal any more mysteries.
Other favorites :
PD James -
Sue Grafton - the A is for ... - lady With a zingy, irascible detective Kinsey Malhone
Mary Higgins Clark - though Ive mostly given up on her.. too horrifying
Ruth Rendell - Macabre but a scholar
Ngaaio Marsh - I've read only one but it was great
Mary Stewart - Unbeatable for mystery undertinged just slightly with romance
Agatha Christie- where one begins

Male writers:
Dick Francis - a very intelligent mind
Lawrence Sanders - though his Commandment books are good, his madly gay detective Mcnally really holds
Raymond Chandler - Style
Giovanni Guareschi's Don Camillo - tho this isnt detective fiction actually

Lessons and Thoughts

2009-08-06T22:58:00.000-07:00

One of the lessons I learnt over the past few weeks is:

If you want to write about a movie you've just watched or about a book you are reading; you should do it NOW.

Otherwise, the urge to inflict all those shades of thoughts and reactions on the world passes. Later all those shades are muddied and you may still write it all out anyway creating something which is not quite fresh and true.

So here goes in random order, impressions of weeks past that have lingered, as short as I can make it.

Two movies remain in my head and remind me that there is a story in each one of us. People who live ordinary lives, in poverty and want yet each find something - a dream - to cling to that lifts their lives out of the misery of want and makes their lives rich. Mari in Poo and Vedachalam in Kanjeevaram.

Poo is about Mari; the girl with the heart of a flower. She is consumed with love for her cousin brother but is too shy to express it. The blossoming of a young girl as she tries to express her love in different ways ; her tribulations which are told in a gentle humorous way. Her gentle heart which can never bear to see him hurt.
Poo is about Mari and actor Parvathy justly deserves all the awards she has been accumulating with her sensitive face.

The sepia tones Of Kanjeevarm linger long after. It’s a movie of superlative visuals with great attention to detail paid to the sets depicting a style of life of 60 years ago. The sharp beauty of Shreya Reddy stands out as well as the vigor of Prakash Raj in every scene.
What keeps this poor weaver, Vedachalam going is his commitment to weave a saree for his daughter's‘wedding from silk - a Kanjeevaram which he can never afford in his lifetime and how he finds the means to this end. His broader visions – the rights of his community of weavers to better pay and conditions makes him a man of stature and how his ideals grow and bend are party of the story.

His sensitivity – when he sees his daughter crying; he doesn’t look at her directly or take her in his arms. But in the Indian way, stands apart and tries to address her problem. It seems more authentic than the father in Abiyum Naanum. Or is this a generation apart?

Lessons from Living -I

2009-08-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I realized two lessons about life:

1) I have done a lot of living and and now its time to listen to my body and take more care - recovery is much slower

2) I may be bursting with plans for the day but I can put them aside and do other things which are as gladdening - I just have to spend a little time and thought

Both are interconnected of course. Yesterday, I had done more cooking than usual because my brother in law turned up; started a new painting on one bit of wall and made some changes in the garden which involved shifting some pots.
I went to bed with the happiness that I would be doing all this and more today- the monthly shopping; some more sorting out of books and so on.

But this morning I found I could hardly use one arm and leg. Obviously, I had been doing things I shouldn't yday. And now I can't be doing things I should. So take-it-easy day .

unfinished business that can wait

Im adding a pic to give the idea of unfinished work that hangs over our heads when we can't do it but we can happily gloss over when we can do it.

As I was making idlies with the left hand - its really very clumsy; one should use it more often- I was thinking of the lesson its teaching me . And suddenly the idea came to me that I should ask other people too what lessons they've learnt.
so I started sending out sms' and got some replies which cheered me up immensely.
In the process the idlies got a bit overcooked but never mind.

The replies in the next post... But please whoever is reading this send in yours too.

They are here - Rain and Wind Gods

2009-07-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the year.When we can never stop talking about the weather. Even though it is our favorite topic of discussion during most times; now it occupies a special place of importance.

I think its mostly due to the shock of the monsoon sweeping in after the glorious days of summer. We can't get quite used to being shoved off so abruptly from the top slot on the list of Places-to-Bask-in-During-this-Hot-Summer. And our smugness over living in beautiful Ooty gives place to 'Is this the right place to live in after all? - God, show us a little mercy. And throw some sunshine in. While you are at it, cut that wind a little.'

Just when we'd finally gathered the courage to discard our sweaters - only in April do Ootyites get that much courage - we are back to being bundled in two or three layers and socks. And battling gamely with damp shoes,umbrellas and drips down the neck while we make shopping trips to the market as short as possible.

view from my window

One way to battle the cold is to bring the flowers in.. they are all drooping anyway. These are my home grown gladioli... easiest to grow and most glamorous.
Bright spots in a cold world.

In One Place

2009-06-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

The morning has been almost perfect. Unhurried. Rising after the sun has come up; without an alarm, no guilt. Coffee over the newspaper. A few comments. Getting lunch ready. Some stretches. There are no phone calls ; well only one . And the doorbell rings only once. But the morning remains unshattered by harsh words- thoughts, demands. Bright, unfolding into promise,rich with life. Breakfast and he’s gone. I eat my oats , slowly with Binnie Kirshenbaum. I feel a slow pleasure come over me. A writer I know I’m are going to like. She brings calm and a slow unhurriedness and a liking for life that is contagious.

Pasanga

2009-06-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

An unassuming film with actors who seem perfectly natural; a story that is not going anywhere. Its more than a slice of life with a philosophy behind that does reach one. There is a cuteness about it; a film about kids can hardly do without. But this one doesn't jar. The love interest too is refreshing. Little unexpected turns maintain interest.
People have said that it lags a bit; but for each person its a different stage.
But, everyone says - lovely film. And so do I. I don't want to give the story away but do watch it.

Oldies but Goldies

2009-05-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

The Vintage Car Rally marks the end of the 'Season' at Ooty. We do have a month long program of events which include a Boat Regatta, Dance and Music, Photographic Shows and other events which are never well publicized; which means besides the organizers and participants, very few people attend any of these programs.

The popular events are the Flower Show, the Dog Shows and the Races. These are held during the weekends when the locals don't go out if they can help it because traffic and crowds become so horrendous.

But the Car Rally was something I had to go to, because my friend Geetha was exhibiting her Morris 8 of 1947. She'd spent the last few months getting it painted and polished and reupholstered. Geeth said there was not one bit of rust on the 60 year old car.
I know the great amount of effort she puts into sourcing original parts. And she was rewarded this year with a prize for Best-Original Car.

Grand old ladies get a day out!

This year included an exhibition of old scooters and bikes too.
The car fanatic is a special breed. And these hobbyists certainly find a reason for living. For them , this was a great day displaying their beauties and hob nobbling with people who prize their cars above money.

Way Down Upon the Backwaters

2009-05-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was our short getaway-from-Ooty trip to Aleppey, sailing down the backwaters. Initially, meant to be for four of us, in the Velcro-effect in our family, numbers grew and grew till we were 12 and we had to hire another boat.
After the efforts of organizing the trip and coordinating everyone's schedules and travelling the 300 km from Coimbatore to Allepey besides babysitting 8mth old to 80 year old father, it was bliss to get on the boat and just be.

Im just putting in pics in the hope they say it all.

My niece Gigi with her son . Rebel-teen nephew Sajit, happy to be away from parents. And EAT all day!
Sindhu and my niece, Haru. Happy to be away from college.

Junior nephew Sanjay - his parents were the trial- constantly calling to find out how he was. Blisffuly, signals became very weak.

More people on the other boat. Cousins displaying unseemly 'Titanic' spirits; to the horror of their kids.

The very comfortable deck.

Meals are provided. You don't have a choice of menus. You don't have 'something to see'. Just drift down and sleep and eat. Heavenly holiday.

Narayana Gurukulam

2009-05-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

Many many years ago, when Darshini had just started school while Sindhu went to nursery ,we were living in a little flat of 4 rooms totaling 400 sq ft. on Upper Bazaar Street, right in the centre of Ooty town. One day we had two visitors. They had been given our address by my sister Karthy who was working in Trivandrum. One was her house owner and the other, his friend. They’d come to look around Ooty. Their easy assumption that they would be staying with us, took my breath away and with it my words and the objections that rose in my mind.

Two memories have stayed with me.

I had a collection of 20-30 pots on the tiny balcony of which I was rather proud. My idea of gardening then was to buy pots from the market, fill them with mud from the side of the road, get some small cuttings from friends ; plonk the pots on the balcony and water them assiduously. There was green enough for me to think it was all working well. Till this gentleman from green Kerala pronounced ‘not one healthy plant among them’. Since my plants are still not winning prizes, I can’t say I really learnt a big lesson from this..

The other was that the visitors wanted to go to the Narayana Gurukulam. I had never heard of the place in the Ooty chukker of Boat-house-garden-Doddabetta. Well, being enterprising people they found their way there without any assistance from me. I was intrigued that people from so far away knew something about Ooty that I hadn’t heard of.

But, it was a couple of years later that I got to visit the Narayana Gurukulam after I acquired a Keralite friend. Narayana Guru was a saint, sage, social reformer who did much to transform the caste ridden society of Kerala. He established several temples and educational institutions. His disciple, Natarja Guru established the Narayana Gurukulam at Ooty. His successor, Guru Nitya Chaitanya Yeti stayed here for long periods. People talk of him as larger than life and a man of great intelligence and zest for life. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to interact with him.

The Gurukulam is a place which seems to have bridged the gap between the spiritual and practical, with an air of peace and acceptance. Small buildings are scattered over the campus; there is a beautiful shrine to the gurus filled with light and silence; a Zen maze where one walks to find solutions to problems (you walk through the maze all the while focusing on your problem and you should come out with the answer or the beginnings of one in your mind), the house where Guru Chaitanya Yeti used to live, a hall for programs and housing for the monks and guests.

After a long gap, last week I was at the Gurukulam for its annual function to celebrate the birthday of Narayana Guru . Prayers and talks are followed by ‘annadhanam’ and then a program of dance and music. This time, a friend of ours was the speaker. Mr. B.J.Krishnan, a lawyer and keen advocate for the environment and conservation spoke on his pet subjects. It was a bright sunny day and the function, held among the trees and graceful buildings, was so peaceful. The audience listened in absolute silence to the speakers.

Lunch followed – served on long benches set out under the trees. Without the usual hustle and pushing; it was so good. People had to wait for empty plates – each one had to wash his own – and there was no sign of anxiety or hurry.

In a flight of fancy, I wished that Sindhu’s wedding could be conducted in similar style, without excessive formalities or tension and people relaxing and enjoying just being there.

Option E: None of the Above

2009-05-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

The Indian voter has an option to say ’I don’t wish to vote for any of these candidates’.

If you are dissatisfied with the candidates on offer in your constituency and think they don’t deserve your vote; then by provision 49- O, you can go to the polling booth, confirm your identity, get your finger marked and tell the electoral officer that you don’t wish to vote.

Recently, a campaign has spread awareness of this rule through mail and SMS and pamphlets. See this link to know more about the campaign in North India.

To strengthen the case for voting 49-O, the mails say that if the number of '49-O' votes polled are more than those of the winning candidate, then the poll will be cancelled and re-polling done. Furthermore, the contestants will be banned from the re-polling for their life times.

Unfortunately, this is not true. 49-O is merely a rule for negative or neutral voting.The exact Rule can be found here.

When I first heard about 49-O, I thought what a waste of public money! to hold a re-election. We might as well make the best choice of whatever ( or whoever) is available to us.

But, last night when I went through the list of candidates for our constituency, I was stumped to come up with the right or best candidate. Of the candidates from the three major parties, one is corrupt, one is terribly terribly corrupt and the third has 3 criminal cases pending against him. None of them are from our district. The remaining dozen people are absolutely unknown. What chances do they have on a national footing?

So I thought I would use the 49- O option. Not an easy decision to make or execute. First, I queued up in a booth with early birds all going off to work. Then they couldn’t match my voter ID. I was sent off to the party people to find my number. This took 45 minutes and I was escorted back to a different booth by our ex-Councillor who was happy to use this opportunity to spew abuses on the ruling party/govt. for the poor organization of voter lists.

After all the trouble he took, I was a little loath to turn in a null vote. But I did say “ I want to use the 49- O" loudly enough to create a furor. At first no one understood my request, then the chief officer made me sign in a book and wrote ‘Refused to vote’ which has made me rather sad.

Some Things Do Change

2009-04-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

One of the joys of middle age is letting go. Of so much baggage, fixed notions, of an image one oneself. and being open to new experiences, ideas and new ways of doing things. Not that one is completely transformed but it seems delightful when little events show up different ways of thought. And wackiness amuses instead of being disturbing.

This morning my husband was content to usher in the New Year with just a lighting of the lamp. It all felt very light and nice to let go of rituals which usually brought a great deal of tension when they had to be done before he left for the hospital. I had cooked a few special dishes and we were happy to enjoy the eating .Before I used to think we were doing it all to maintain some sort of continuity for the children. Now who was I kidding?

But the evening found me participating in the ‘ther’ of the Mariamman temple. This is huge event for the whole district and the town is absolutely crowded, roads are blocked street vendors are out, noise levels are high and it lasts for 24 hours. All good enough reasons for me to avoid it altogether.

City living, parents who believed in ‘rational thinking’; convent education which wasn’t countered by a strong religious base as in many Indian households, I’ve never been a temple goer. Associated rituals like the ‘ther’ never figured as important to me.

Today strange chance, found me part of the queue waiting to throw salt on Mariamma to say ‘ here I am , bless me’. And the crowds, the noise the colorful displays on the street side shops all seemed so wonderful.
I wished I had a camera to capture it all. But then a camera separates you so much from what is going on. You become a spectactor; so I was glad I was there more to enjoy it all with myself than to record it.

My friend and I looked keenly at every display of bright articles. We wanted to buy something but what? She wanted a kaleidoscope. I wanted a watch from the man who could make it out of pink striped candy on a stick. I never could buy this when I was young because it was forbidden and I was the ‘good girl.’ ‘ How much of life gets wasted because one is trying to be good’ she said with regret. You can’t go back and things pass you by.

Yesterday I went to buy fish for the small new pond . Last week, the man there had said, he would be getting some great fish which was better suited for the outdoors. Yday he said ,' oh new pond, you have to first try it with some dam fish and then if they survive, you graduate the pond to a more delicate species. I didn’t curse him for not saying all this on my last visit which I would have done some time ago when I lived my life in a series of things to do. Now I have more leisure and the spirit to appreciate him saying that all the fish needed to eat is lots of ‘dirtys’.
And time to check on the fish often.

Some Things Don't Change :-)

2009-04-10T05:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in Coimbatore, for what was hopefully, my last visit to the dentist for a long long time. To celebrate, I met up with a childhood friend who happened to be in town too and we went out together.
Promptly, at 8.p.m. she received a call from her mother asking, when are you coming home. My friend told her Mom, that we might be late as we were having dinner outside. A little disapproval there.
Then I called my father to tell him the same. He said, get back home fast.. don't be late.
We had to reflect that our kids were out somewhere till 10 p.m. but we had to be back home early. But things have changed a little in 25 years. Curfew seems to have moved from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. :-)

The crazier part is we couldn't even tell our respective parents where we'd been. Nothing illegal or 'bad' about it but just somewhere they wouldn't like. We thought it better that they didn't know about it.

What are our kids keeping from us??? Do i want to know??

Bling

2009-03-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

A green pavadai of some synthetic material that billed out and stood stiffly and was covered with gold glittering embroidery. White slippers with plaited straps and heels that looked lovely in the shop window and probably horrible on my dirty brown feet.
Still I was in love with them. They must have been bought for me by some indulgent aunt; my practical mother would never have let me buy something so unsuitable.

When I try and look back on distinct joyful memories of childhood, then these come up first. Later memories are more to do with events and people.
Childhood is all around Bling when we don’t know what is supposed to be ‘good taste’. Parents are horrified over their children’s’ choices but grandparents go with it. And enjoy it all – mittai pink frocks and golden shoes.

I took this motley crowd out to our Botancial Gardens last week. They’ve never been before so it was a joyous occasion. Their first car ride too. I’ve never examined each tree and plant of the Gardens so thoroughly before this . We kept it short and simple so it was good for all of us.

The Time has to Come

2009-03-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

Last week was my 'miracle week'. So many good things happened, some problems hanging over me for months got resolved out of the blue.

The big one was an electricity problem- after months of lights blowing, appliances hardly working - the EB people finally admitted that it might be their problem and fixed it. It took six months of knocking at their doors every week. Now, its such a relief that I can touch water taps without a shock ; lights glow bright , the microwave works, heaters heat and the computer after crashing has been restored.
The fault was with someone in the neighbourhood who had been tapping current and miswired his motor. ( this in case something like this happens to you)

Dachu's PAN card was traced after 3 months to a courier in Coonoor who was happily sitting on it without taking the trouble to inform us.
Other minor things kept happening everyday. Some of my teeth got fixed:-)

But what did occur to me was that if I had gone to visit a temple/saint or done some special prayers just before, I would have believed strongly in whichever that was. That might have given me more faith and strength. But it didn't happen.
I just have to believe that things happen only at their own pace.

Of course, when I thought that the good time was here; I tried pushing the library. I do owe an explanation to all the people who have been supportive of this venture with cash and books and encouragement.

We have been trying to find a suitable place - criteria being central location, low rent and nominal advance. When I put up the appeal, there was such a place but the owner backed out - not so clearly saying no but promising it 'in 10 days', every 2 weeks. Alternatives are too costly to afford on a long term basis. But leads and hope are there and one should materialise soon.

In between, Ive tried other things. Like reading Secrets and sending out energetic messages desperately. Visualising the library.Only it got bigger and brighter each time.Prayers.

I guess, everything happens in its own time. And this library will, Im sure sometimesoon. Even today I got promised a space. All the good wishes and good will of people have to make it happen.

View of the Taj

2009-02-19T04:41:00.000-08:00

Seeing the Taj Mahal left me a bit confused. Like reading Adiga’s White Tiger- I wasn’t sure what my reaction was or even is weeks later.
The book is not particularly well written. There is nothing especially new about the events outlined – we have at least second hand or third knowledge of such things. Yet I read the book non stop. He is a good story teller and the characters linger on strongly.

The Taj is exactly like all its pictures. Is this all? is one reaction. The sheer size is astonishing though. The beauty is in its simplicity the whiteness, the perfection – the attention to every detail. And the grace of it all. You can just stand there and keep on looking at it.

And of course click a hundred pictures. It is picturesque from any angle. And that’s the sad part of it. The thousands of people milling around are more busy getting themselves photographed with the Taj rather than looking at it. And so did we:-)
Except that we missed out ‘the bench’.

One has to see it at least once in a lifetime. We went in a tour coach ( I do recommend Panickers except for its shoppers stop) and it took us first to the Agra Fort where we got the sad history and were in a suitable frame of mind to appreciate the thought behind the Taj. Although Darshini did keep saying ’ why is this guy going on about honeymooners and romance? What is so romantic about it all?’ I guess the thought about undying love is difficult to really imagine in these cynical times and less so in those harder times. Mumtaz seems to have been pregnant for most of their lives together too. How did a husband stay madly in love even then?

THE TAJ!

2009-02-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

classic picture

The scale is unimaginable !

Beautiful fretwork -40000 artisans over 23 years

So much of detail

More beautiful inlay work - actually this is at Agra Fort rebuilt just before the Taj

From the side - perfection!

A Dental Tale

2009-02-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

Open your mouth wide. Take your right hand and insert three fingers vertically into your mouth. If they fit in comfortably, then your mouth opening is right.

Now imagine if the opening is barely wide enough to push your little finger in.That's a case of lockjaw and that's what happened to me three weeks ago following a dental treatment. I had a molar in very bad condition. I went to my dentist who got a visiting dentist to do a root canal treatment. He did give me a local anesthetic but I had a lot of pain throughout. I found him extremely impersonal. I went home and sort of huddled in bed for the rest of the evening , not eating at all. All this contributed to a spasm they say which locked my jaw into a clamped position. The injection may have been shot into a nerve or muscle which caused the spasm. I thought I would recover once the course of antibiotics were done.

A week later, nothing had improved. We were leaving for Delhi.So I went back to my dentist. He said, you closed your mouth in fright and its not opening now. You've got to open it somehow.

We went to Delhi. We stayed at a swanky hotel and I enjoyed the luxury of it all. Free breakfast included more variety than we have at home in a year. I had yoghurt and juice and omlette and tried to eat as much as I could. But one cannot do justice when you can't get a spoon past your lips. It was all very sad.

Im sure you are thinking by now I must be mad to take it as part of life. My friends have been telling me 'the problem with you (one of them)is... is you don't make a fuss.' When I was growing up, one didn't make a fuss. You had a problem; you got some tablets (maybe), you took them and carried on with life. It was considered kind of low-class, as my friend says, to talk about your physical ailments.

So I told my husband briefly that I couldn't eat - he gave me some tabs which I hoped faithfully would do the trick in a few days and I went on. It was when Darshini came to Delhi, saw me forcing food in painfully and dribbling all over like an old woman, that she pulled up her father and forced him to take notice. "oh these tabs are not working; we'll have to change them' he said.

Upshot is, we came back to Coimbatore and saw a neurologist who sent me to an orthodontist. He gave me a local anesthetic, pried my jaws slightly open and prescribed some physiotherapy. Meanwhile, he seems to have found a gold mine in my mouth- said the treatment done all these years at Ooty was all wrong and some fillings were toxic and some were ... and I would have to have prolonged treatment.
I stayed for a few days while he continued the root canal which originally started, yanked the jaw open everyday ( it tends to close up after every treatment). I stayed home and tried keeping my mouth open with a stack of icecream sticks and carrots.

I went home for a break and came back to Coimbatore to continue the treatment. This time the charm had worn off and the dentist was in serious business. No time to indulge me. This time he put in some metal forceps and pried the jaws wider and wider apart. I was screaming - trying to find his hand to make him stop. There were a couple of loud 'crack' sounds. He was very satisfied and excited when it happened.

He did it again. If this sound like something from a Leon Uris novel, it was. I was curled up in a foetal postion on the chair. I don't think I've screamed after the birth of my kids. The dentist said if he didn't do it, the jaw would remained locked for ever. I said give me a break; I can't take this.

Then he said; look at your front tooth- let me look at it. The cap is bad- toxic. And he proceeded to inject my mouth in 8 places. And started work on 4 front teeth.
I was a total wreck when I got home.

Why did I let him do it? Because I trusted him so much to do the best for me.I was in to much pain to think. But he was doing the best for himself and I realised it only much later.

I've been cocooned all my life, healthwise. I live in a network of doctors. Father, husband, couple of sisters, cousins.. When I have to consult someone outside the family, the connections are protection enough. The docs will give me the best advice. So I've been thinking.

But now, its no longer so. The Hippocrates oath to do your best for your patient doesn't count. And the young doctors are paying a lot of money to study; so pay back has to be fast.

Well, next I consulted my only dentist cousin who happens to live in the US. Go see an oral surgeon she said and not one who has just passed out. Next day, trying to locate one when a friend called. So i told her my sorry history. She said her daughter had gone through this after an accident and she had been treated by a plastic surgeon; one I'd known from childhood. This was like coming home. Managed to see the plastic surgeon and in his team, there was an oral surgeon.

Upshot is: no yanking the jaw open..it should be done gradually over a period of weeks. There is a type of metal instrument available which you put into your mouth and screw open little by little as much as you can take. Meanwhile don't do any other dental treatment.

Im back home, relieved and wiser. I've put down this long story because none of the doctors I met/knew (except the last) had any idea about this case - it was a textbook case to them. It might be useful to someone somewhere.

Henceforth I am going to really listen to all those stories about dreadful thing happening to somebody's chittappa's brother in law. In the era of specialization, finding the right doctor is a long circuitous route. And when you meet me,beware, I might be talking about my health all the time.

Impressions of Delhi

2009-02-12T06:09:00.000-08:00

Tree lined , broad roads. Power and wealth. Very few signs of life in the huge compounds we pass. Except once when there were a number of vans bristling with antennae outside the AICC and a number of reporters and camera men jostling each other outside the gates. Even this seemed to be so controlled, so ordered and neat like a Naidu function in Coimbatore.

The names of the roads are so evocative- Subramani bharathi marg, Tolstoy marg, Copernicus marg,.. history coming alive as nowhere else. Closer to the centers of power, the road names are given in Urdu too.

One can’t be a proud car owner in Delhi. Every vehicle is damaged except the bigger cars. Replaced often maybe or very careful drivers? The long lines of cars have only one occupant mostly or sometimes two if there is a driver.

Gardens are immaculate. Every bush, even trees are pruned. The hallmark of the Archaeological Society is lush green lawns that give grace and serenity to each monument.

We didn’t see too many monuments as we took it slowly. Everywhere we went there were busloads of schoolchildren with exuberance uncorked. It is very good to see all the ‘sights’ when one is in school with very little actually absorbed. But then we can visit a few later when we are really able to appreciate.

Humayun’s tomb- tranquil and serene. Worth a visit. Coming upon a tamil gatekeeper was a nice touch. That alleviated some of our bewilderment when we found our taxi driver had absconded suddenly with a few of our things. But what we were left with is a sense of the great Mughals. They did think big and built magnificently.

The Lotus temple is an architectural marvel that fills the eye. We thought Raj ghat was a must especially since it was Gandhi’s death day. Leaders had been and gone and the Samadhi was beautifully decorated with flowers. I bought a book on Ba and enjoyed the not so well known traits of Gandhi.

The Jama Masjid is astonishing in size. And the claustrophic trek they have up a tower is worth the panaromic view from the top.

Our highlight was the rickshaw ride through the very narrow lanes of Chandni Chowk opposite the Red Fort. Whole lanes of shops decked with gorgeous sarees in every rich hue, embroidered closely in gold thread. One lane had only laces of every kind , one had glass beads and baubles…. it was a something you only see on Discovery:-)) I was glad Sindhu wasn’t around or she would have insisted on buying a saree she would never wear. We searched hard for the old jilebi wala described in Lonely planet and found a good enough substitute.

We finished the day with the Sound and light show at the Red Fort. I found it a bit tame in these days of extraordinary visual aids but it’s a slice of history portrayed wonderfully in the style of the 70’s. The story of magnificence and decadence remains in your head when you go back to the hotel room.

( I suppose I should put in appropriate pics and history. But I dont think anyone is looking for a guide to Delhi here. And I cant' find the data cord for the camera:-)By the time I find it, the impressions might have gone.)

From up above

2009-02-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

Looking down from the aircraft window, it was all so wonderful. Rows and rows of coconut trees, clusters of houses, the larger metal roofs of factories gleaming in the sunlight, clean roads. Five minutes after take off from Coimbatore, we were over the Nilgiris, a distance that would take 3 hours by road.

Flying over the Deccan plateau, geography lessons came alive. The red land that stretched on and on with little bits of green in-between; mottled grey stretches of rock and small ranges of hills lifting up in the middle. Just like an atlas :-) Pools of water collected in the valleys and depressions among the rocks. Around them was cultivation, civilization. Towns and villages huddled together near water and the roads. But the rest looked bare. There seems to be so much land that is uncultivated or uninhabited!
(stats say that only 21% of the earth's surface is cultivated and of that only 7.6% is actually in use due to water shortages).

Ponds, lakes, muddy rivers held the eye; especially mine brought up in water starved Coimbatore. Unfortunately, no one gives you a flight map so you can’t make out if what you are seeing is the generous Krishna or just a tributary.
The word meander takes on a new significance when you see the world from up on high. Rivers, the course they take, the changes in course are all yours to behold.. Road meander too; grey and long.

Banks of clouds did obscure the view occasionally. And I wondered how high up we were. When one is on the ground, the clouds up there seem so high and now we were so far above. It felt a bit Godlike to think of all those tiny beings down there and their concerns and troubles seemed so insignificant.

Closer to Delhi, everything is so much more neat and laid out. Neatly divided parcels of land surround starbursts of towns interconnected with the next town by straight roads drawn with a ruler and pencil. The land seems so fertile too. Many more water bodies. As the plane dips down the water shimmers in the sunlight.

No, not my first flight but the first one next to a window. Frequent fliers should get only aisle seats; so they can listen to music, sleep and smile with benign feelings towards all the new excited fliers. And if possible, school children should be able to experience all this when their lessons are still fresh.

Absence

2009-01-25T21:13:00.001-08:00

Ayappan reminds me that I haven't blogged for a long while. Thanks Ayappan, its nice to be missed.
To be away was both a conscious and unconscious decision.

At first the computer crashed; then it was the Net and now its power fluctuations. To get connected and more, to stay connected is a source of stress. On lucky days like today, it happens.

I thought maybe it was a period when I should detox from blogging and email and be more connected with the world around. And I have been doing that.

And it also got me to wonder what value I am adding to the world by recording my thoughts. It adds a certain value to my days ; some structure, some happiness. It also seems to add an unnecessary drive to certain activities just so that I could record them.

But Im sure I will be back here soon. Does introspection make one wiser? Not necessarily .

Thank everyone who calls out your faults, your anger, your impatience, your egotism -do this consciously- voluntarily.
Jean Tooman

Of Christmases Past

2008-12-22T05:20:00.000-08:00

This is a little Christmas ornament given me by our librarian, Daphne. Daphne is Anglo Indian, about 70+ (she wont’ say), has to work to live and spends a large part of her salary on make-up and regular trips to the hairdresser. I guess you can’t take the well-dressed out of some ladies. A spirit I admire. Occasionally I say ’ Wow Daphne, what a great sweater / bead chain.’ In exchange for all which she bestowed this gift on me. Made with her arthritic hands.

It took me back to Christmases celebrated with great gusto in my childhood. Maybe I’m really getting old turning my thoughts backward. But I thought I'd relive it before it all escapes me.

We lived in a colony with most of the girls going to a ‘convent’. So naturally, Christmas was part of our lives. Come December, we would spend days sticking together long strings of crepe paper, cardboard Santa Clauses and whatever else we could find in the ‘things to make and do’ books .All the planning took place in the single large room upstairs in our home which was so messy that no adult came in for a couple of weeks.

A few days before Christmas, we would stand up a pathetic looking branch of a fir tree from our neighbor’s garden on our verandah in a bucket of sand and transform it into this glamorous tree with cotton snow, lights and all our carefully made ornaments. A star was mandatory.

Then we would rehearse for the Christmas programme. All adults had to pay to come and see this variety entertainment. Everybody brought in ideas from whatever had been done recently in their schools and this was their chance to take the lead part after being shunted away in school. Of course the pecking order was dominant and the younger ones got to play the strong silent roles like baby jesus, or the angels or the donkeys in the manger. The elder ones got the singing roles – no matter how badly we sang.

I don’t think any religious significance entered our heads even for a minute. Or the parents’. They were just happy to keep us out of mischief and boredom. A wonderful way of spending holidays.

Stray Thought

2008-12-21T20:31:00.001-08:00

'Even looking at images of greenery can improve mental processes leave alone spending time in the midst of nature, research has proved. '

Then, we in the Nilgiris should be mentally asizzle and doing mental gymnastics most of the time.

Why does the reverse seem to be true?

Starvation

2008-12-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

I was chatting with a friend on the phone.
"Are you eating lunch ?" she asked wistfully.
"Yes" I answered.
"I' m drinking mine, " she said in a sad voice.
I had to laugh and say "Think of all the kilos you are losing, " encouragingly.
"Yes" she said happily " I've lost 2 kg in 3 days."
Instantly, I thought ' that's only water'. I don't know whether this is true or not or just made up by jealous people like me.

She was cheerfully enconsed in an Ayurveda treatment place drinking her toxins out. And getting pampered with treatments like oil massages and mud packs which made her feel like a princess she said.
But hearing her drool over my simple lunch made me feel lucky.

Erma Bombeck said somewhere 'My way of losing weight is to go to one of those spa places. I lose a few kg, then I come back home and drink a glass of water, and it all comes back. "
That's what I hear about these terrific weight loss programmes. They are supposed to be teaching you new eating habits but can habits change so much unless we are threatened by ill health?

I decided to try the liquid diet for a day. Probably very good for my digestive system. The power was off and I couldn't even make any juices. Had to drink stuff like black tea. By afternoon, I was dreaming of rasam sadam which normally I don't even eat.

Truly, staying off good stuff you like may be good for digestion and those blood vessels but it makes one very bad tempered. And focused on what you are skipping.

Has anyone found die-hard habits which help keep weight way under control? Without making yourself unhappy?

Worth Watching

2008-12-15T18:22:00.000-08:00

WATCH THIS BEFORE IT'S TAKEN OFF THE WEB
It is extremely surprising that the Arab financed TV in Dubai would
allow this to air. Be sure and watch this, it is so powerful I have
no doubt she now has a very large price on her head. I also have no
doubt it won't be on the air long .
She is one impressive woman. Here is a powerful and amazing statement
on Al Jezeera television. The woman is Wafa Sultan, an Arab-American
psychologist from Los Angeles .
I would suggest watching it ASAP because I don't know how long the
link will be active. This film clip should be shown around the world
repeatedly!
http://switch3.castup.net/cunet/gm.asp?ai=214&ar=1050wmv&ak=nul

It was sent me and its really impressive and powerful.Food for thought

Gift For Living

2008-12-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

On my way home, I passed three young boys out on a walk of their own. Within the neighbourhood, I tend to give young kids a beady eye and ask sternly, why aren't you in school? But these were from some other area. So I passed on.
But then, one of them stopped to offer me some wild fruit. I was taken aback and touched. They had cut class to go loafing around. Can I really say its a waste of time or life on a rare fine day?

After class yesterday with the worst lot ( some of them don't know even the alphabet properly) one of the boys gave me piece of bubble gum. I notice too that its the not-so-bright girls who offer to carry my books or bag.

The spontaneity with which they make a connection is touching. Maybe they are blessed with the greater gift - for living .

The Team

2008-11-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

Yday evening I thought I would rope in my 'A" group of students to help me stick labels in the books donated by various people. I thought I wouldn't be chauvinistic and get the boys in too. ( mistake)

It all started off in a very organized way with sets of books, newspapers, paste , cloth and space for each child.

But as the evening wore on, everything changed. I was kept very very busy responding to requests - where do i stick this; he's taken my books; give me some more.. and so on..normal where you have a bunch of kids.

In spite of labels stuck upside down, pages stuck together, all my careful classification of books, the room becoming a terrific mess and total exhaustion, I went to bed rather pleased. Because they did read the books inbetween and asked questions ( is this a volcano) and that is the ultimate aim.

What ? You! It can't be :-(((

2008-11-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

After watching a hotshot movie on the second day after release, I'm enjoying the reactions to this little piece of action much more than the movie.

I guess the reactions take on colour only in the light of the background. Which has been rather bleak, living in a 'C' grade mofussil town for many years. Good movies came to town about 6 months or 1 year after release and disappeared before we even knew they had 'hit' town , rather weakly. Even then, theatre going was an event that happened maybe, once a year. Became much less after TV channels recycled every movie you'd never heard of. But, now even Ooty finds a place in a flat world .

And it happened because women in their prime have got over this 'I-have-to-go-with-my-husband" nonsense.

Doc: " What, you never told me? "
(I do go to a hundred places and tell him later, but obviously movies fall in a special category)

Kapu: "What was the occasion? No bday , women's day..then why did you go?"
( I can hear her thinking, jobless women - sheer jealousy)

Darshini : "I must see if its running in a theatre in Bombay".
Me: "Don't waste 100 or 200 rupees on it."
( the last falls on deaf ears).

Sajid : "its okay if its not too good. you did it ,no."
( just doing it and ahead of the pack is the point )

Harini : "Oh, why did my Dad put me in this forsaken college. He's so bad".
( movies rate far above life plans )

Sindhu: " Why is life like this? You don't even know who is acting in it You can't even appreciate it. And you get to see it in a theatre. In Ooty!
And with all the aunties!! And I have to download it and see it on my laptop. Oh God.Why is life so unfair?"

I am sitting back and grinning like a Cheshire cat. Have to go and make some calls. Didnt know it was so easy to stir up the green eyed monster.

Vaarnam Aayiram

2008-11-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

I've just been to see the much hyped, awaited and thought about vaarnam aayiram. To the well expressed disapproval and envy of my daughters. Probably my nieces too if I had announced it before.
Since the hero is Surya, still the heart throb of thousands of young Tamils. Not to be displaced by Karthik or Nakul... The average age at the theatre was 22, and that high figure was due to the presence of half a dozen middle aged ladies.

The movie began with a display of 'high energy' as the TV shows like to say from the audience. My friends glared at me for dragging them out to a movie on the second day of release. I slunk into my seat after due apologies, barely heard amid the cat calls and whistling.

And there I stayed. No edge of the seat action appeared till the interval. And that was a long time coming. The end was even more way off.

Sorry to say, ladies and gentlemen, this movie seems very very long. Though each scene has been carefully thought out for visual effects and most scenes are visually appealing, Goutham Menon seems to be more of an ad maker rather than a storyteller. After the movie is over, one is left wondering, where was the story? what was the point? One doesn't really empathize with any of the characters. None of them get under your skin or to your heart. You don't go home and recall which one does with any movie of impact.

Goutham Menon has paid a tribute to his father. Father is loving, wonderful and there for his son. Not so for his daughter, by the looks of it. She never gets married nor does anyone worry about her. Menon could have used an older actor as the father instead of using an unbelievable Surya. Surya does wonders with his body language as an old man but still you can see the young man beyond. The character never becomes real. Maybe this is because how kids see parents- not really as people but only in relation to themselves.

Older Surya romancing Simran in the 70's is a wonderful indulgence with hair in bouffant style, flower behind the ear and 70's dance moves. But has been done before.
Simran does look the part of beautiful MOM.

When young Surya falls in love at first sight, the effervescence is dazzling and his romance with the beautiful Sameera Reddy is cute but not entrancing. Of course the songs are very listenable.

Later second string Divya Spandana was a surprise. But we watched with special interest as she was Darshini's classmate and Ootyite for 10 years.

There are army vs terrorist scenes. Why one can't figure out. Because the hero has to do something or Surya has to look emaciated and gaunt in various guises. And then work to display six-pack abs as an army Major. Surya has worked on his body both to get thin as a young college student and then to become a muscle man. May inspire disapointed-in-love young men to grow other things than beards.

There are so many commendable parts to the movie. The drug habit is portrayed so well. The strong love within the family comes across. Entertaining moments in their lives. Lots of hard work in camera and thought. But it doesn't really add up to an. entertaining movie.

Don't even Try

2008-11-14T04:41:00.000-08:00

Today has been one of those days when things don't work at all. Last night, I had a schedule of things I must do today. But somehow, this morning I was loath to start out. Puttered around the house doing nothing much and by afternoon gave myself a pep talk and left the house.
Well, nothing really worked out. I visited a friend to lift my spirits up but found myself really inattentive. Asked her for a cup of coffee, and left to go to the supermarket. That Job couldn't go wrong.
Reaching home, I find that I've left the bags back at the Supermarket.

Some days, one should just go with the flow. Stay in bed and do nothing. Its easier all around.

Connecting

2008-11-13T20:40:00.000-08:00

One of the biggest pleasures of blogging is connecting with people you would have never met before. People who only know the face you choose to present to the world can keep you buoyant with their comments. And pleasantly happy with a feeling of having acquired many friends.

Meeting up is a greater pleasure. New relationships are always so interesting.

This month I met three of our bloggers. Raji, at her beautifully preserved Chennai home. She is beautifully preserved too:-) And wonderful Maiji who is an example of life live to the full.

Yesterday, was GVK and his wonderfully empathetic wife. A few more friends came over to meet them and we really had a good time chatting. May it happen more often.

Unfortunately, the pic is too dark. But you can see GVK making an emphatic point.

Women and Letting Go

2008-11-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

Im just back from a long break away from home. Away from immediate family too. It was great.

I met an old school friend, Shanthi after many many years.

What I see in these pictures is that we both look so happy. Not only to meet. But to be away from it all.

Shanthi was revelling in coming back home (she lives in America) alone and not having to go sightseeing, explain Indian bathrooms and weird behavior of people here to her kids; not have her husband hustle her all the time. She could visit her friends, take off wherever she wanted to and generally be herself.

I was staying with my sister in a hassle free, men free household. We cooked skimpily, talked when we wanted to and did whatever we wanted to alone or together. No onus to behave or entertain. I could help out or not with any chores. A very undemanding atmosphere.

Women should really get away from routines occasionally with each other.

Happy Deepavali

2008-10-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Happy Diwali.
May you enjoy this festival thoroughly.

Please do keep this pledge going.
http://www.pledgebank.com/getachild2read

I will be offline for a while.

Unsung Heroines

2008-10-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

I met Dr.Vasantha yday after a couple of weeks. When I saw her last,she'd been suffering from severe pain in her arm for which she'd been recommended total rest.
That day, she had promised she would take some time off and give her arm and body some rest.

Well, obviously from the pain on her face, she hadn't done anything of the kind. She'd spent the day immunizing 150 babies.

Vasantha works for the Municipality. She holds five posts simultaneously (being paid for one) and jokes 'Im responsible for the health of the entire district'. Reason, people haven't been posted to the other 4.

" If I hadn't gone today, those 150 babies would have gone back and their health programme would have been upset. There's no one else to to carry it out" she said.

"What about the new doctor who's been posted here" I asked.
"He's not used to working so hard. He might get frightened and go on leave. I have to ease him gently into him new job," she said.

Vasantha's daughter says " The babies of Ooty can find other doctors to look after them. But my granddaughter has one only one paati. You'd better take some leave and come here and have some rest too."

Dr.Vasantha will get paid if she goes on on leave. Its her sense of duty that is keeping her going.

When we curse our government officers and functionaries, we could remember there are many people like Vasantha who have a huge sense of responsibility and keep doing more than their jobs.

Stripped

2008-10-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

"Are you so and so?"
A strange man accosted me at Charing cross this morning. He needed some details from me and said he'd visited home yday and found it locked.
After 24 years of living in a small town and with a husband in active Govt.service, I can't be too surprised if someone knows me and I don't know them.

But its not a pleasant surprise any more.

It gets me wondering who am I? Stripped of so-and-so-'s wife, so-and-so's daughter, would I get any recognition?

I don't work any more so I've lost that identity which acts a good front that people can relate to. And slot me easily.

When I travel, I do find the loss of identity and instant recognition rather disconcerting. Then I can draw comfort from the people I am travelling with; the group feeling which protects one from strangers.

If I take me alone as a person, then its the clothes I wear, the educated tone of my voice that defines how people behave with me, those I know and don't know. People are reacting to the visual image.

Even this can be misleading as I discovered yday. At a family function, a young woman and I were getting on famously. You must come home she said often during our conversation. During lunch, she asked casually, and what about your kids? I said they were quite grown up. She was taken aback visibly, and said "Oh, I didnt realise you were... you don't look that old." And after that, I could see a stepping back. She couldn't see herself relating to a person a decade or more older. The new image of me came in between.

Without money to spend that commands respect in shops, would the shopkeeper give me any ?

Without all these image-making externals, without comforts given by other people, can I survive on my own?
Without all these trappings, if I had to live in a strange place who would I be?

Stepping out of the supermarket I was accosted by a cheerful beggar woman. When I refused to give her alms she engaged me in a discussion of the cost of soap and rising costs. Disarmed by her cheerfulness, I did give her a coin.
But she made me think, 'but for..there go I.." Could I handle life if I were her with such equanimity?

Do these thoughts trouble other women, other people? Or am i just complicating the life given to me?

The other side of the line

2008-10-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

Accept it or not openly, we do have lines to demarcate those ‘others' who think and behave and live differently from us .

Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about how the terrific power cuts in Tamil Nadu are going to bring down Karunanidhi. This is the middle class talking.

Yesterday, in my class I heard echoes of what the ‘poorer class’ is talking through their children. Obviously the children echo what their parents say. This was part of an idea suggested by Swarna to get children to voice their own thoughts.. something they are not encouraged to do. After holidays, we moved on to ‘politics.’

‘Karunanidhi has given 1 kg rice at 1 Re.’
‘Karunanidhi has given us a gas stove.’
‘He has given each family a TV.’
‘The chief minister is doing so much for the people.’

Sops work.

Another 'across the line' experience was this morning, when I met Jaipunissa.
Jaipunissa used to be a cheerful, energetic, never-say-die girl who dressed to kill everyday when she came to work in the small factory I used to run long long ago. We had a batch of Muslim girls who vied with each other in colourful dressing.
She was already nearing 30 when she left, to marry a 70+ man to secure her future. When he died a few years later, he did leave her a little house and some money. His sons took away the house after some litigation.
Now, after leading a life in relative comfort, she can't bear the thought of going back to work and exists on whatever she has.
But the major change was the black-cover-all burkha she was wearing. I could just about see her eyes, dispirited, sad, tired.
But truly, with just two inches of face showing, it is really difficult to connect to a person.

Knots

2008-10-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

This is a draft of a conversation I had on the phone with my father..

“Ask Dachu to read the Hindu everyday.. there are so many articles about the financial crisis now everyday.
After her training they may ask her who is Lehman bros..or about the bubble.”

I say testily “ the Hindu is for laypeople like us . She must be reading more in depth articles.”

“But still… ask her to read it.. She must know all these things. when she goes for promotion, they will ask her in the interview..”

And so the conversation went with both of us sticking to our viewpoints.

My father is past 80 and has the deep seated notion that he must instruct and guide and tell, whatever be the reactions on my part.

Im thinking that with my 48th birthday coming up next month, Ive had the same kind of interactions with him over the past 38 years maybe? I should have been past 10 when I had some opinions enough to oppose him.
An as far as I remember, opposition has never worked with him.

But why do I persist in the same grooves is what I have to ask myself and my sisters ask me too.

My sisters would say in this case, “seri pa.” And do exactly what they wish to.
Dachu would say “ Yes, I will read them', that or I ‘m reading them..” She might not reveal that she can’t get the Hindu there in Bombay.

What is this character quirk that refuses to be ironed out?

Library

2008-10-11T02:53:00.000-07:00

This is a personal appeal.

We (meaning some friends and me) want to start free library for children here at Ooty, mainly for children from poorer sections who don't have access to books and are too intimidated to enter any library.

We've finally found one room in the middle of the town which serves the immediate purpose at a fairly reasonable rent. Next step is to get it off the ground.

So, a pledge has been created on a site to spread the word. Anyone who finds this idea interesting and worthwhile and wishes to help and can help in any way, please do sign up.

This pledge needs a lot of helping hands and hearts and they have to be found fast.

So have a look please:

http://www.pledgebank.com/getachild2read

Chariots of the Gods

2008-10-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

Sindhu and I had a great time today wandering about town and recording the sheer exuberance with which vehicles were decorated for Ayudha Pooja.
While private car owners remained restrained, it was the owners of commercial vehicles who earn a living from their vehicles, who showed the greatest creativity and joy.

Thanks to all other bloggers who inspired us to spend an afternoon this way.

Rock On

2008-10-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

Continuing my movie orgy (visiting daughters contribute to the number and choice), two I saw last week were so nostalgic:

Rock On: Rock On is about 4 ageing dudes who come together 10 years after they disbanded their band to play again. Of course the idea of youth revived and friendship and fun revisited is appealing to us ageing types. After the friends find each other and meet together for jamming sessions every evening, there is a sense of life singing through them which is so attractive. And seeing the pulsating band rock on stage is so nostalgic to anyone who grew up in the 70s listening to 'pop music' and watching the few exciting music movies that did come our way.
Otherwise one leaves with an overdose of Farhan Akhtar and a blank faced Arjun Ramphal. The first half is a bit of a drag but the movie perks up later. A feel good-feel while it lasts.

Subramaniapuram. This much talked about movie is good, very realistic and so much true to life.
Set in the 80's in Madurai; the protagonists are again a bunch of 4 young men, with no definite purpose in life and no job either. The shoulder length hair which they keep patting down, fuzz on their faces, bell bottoms, flowered shirts and their habit of cycling round and round strongly brought back my classmates at college to me. :-)
The movie deals with the exploitation of youth by crafty political locals who use them without any scruples. And the gullibility of youth who find an identity with such people. Their path for life is then defined by circumstances from which there is no going back.

The narration is focused and straightforward. Except for the very sweet romance (the song of the year is lauded by Raji) and the humor which pervades the story without being a separate track; the characters are not too fleshed out. So it is a little difficult to identify with the characters. And hence even the gore doesn't touch one too much.
But the effort to make a movie with conviction and no frills is truly commendable.

The NO.1 Ladies Detective Agency

2008-10-07T06:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes one comes across a book which is so charming and delightful that the spirit is so uplifted and life takes on a new zing. I for one tend to spin it out so that it lasts longer. But this time I have to speed read because the book is passing on.
The book happens to be …The NO.1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

I did read a review of the book here by Malathi who describes it much better.
But a book set in Africa never appealed. Africa seems associated in my mind with famine and plague and heat and generally a sense of defeatism, I guess due to the documentaries we get to see. So I really didn’t try to look for the book. But now that it has fallen into my lap, I am enthralled with it.

There is nothing heavy about the book although some of it deals with some deeper issues. There is such a calm acceptance of life and the good of all there is and love and deep understanding; it gives you second thoughts when you start cribbing about things in your life -is there anything really to crib about? There is a sensibility with which everyone sees to look at life – a very great acceptance and love of the country
There is charming whimsicality… the idea of a women detective..in Botswana..the only one of course, in the country.
I wish the Booker were given to books like this one .

Please do read it..

Through A Stained Glass

2008-09-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

I've been interviewing the staff of the Library for the souvenir. And I'm struck so much by how much our attitudes colour the way we look at life.

Here is U, an Anglo Indian. Now past 70, its hard to see the beauty she once must have been when she was crowned Ms.Bombay. Having lived it up as long as she could; she settled down late in life with someone she feels was second best. Her life has been a downward spiral monetarily and finally her husband and she landed up in Ooty. They've been given a free cottage but she has to make do with her small salary. She's always well made up and dressed well inspite of her ill health but thinks life hasn't been too good to her.

Contrast H, who is quiet and mousy. Happily married, she says she wouldn't change anything about her life except maybe ask for a better voice to sing. She might even work for free at this job if need be. All the staff at the Library are like her family.

Helper S, is pushing 80 and can't remember any happy event in his life. Life just is - he feels. He lives with his wife and 4 children.

Helper D, also born in the same year has had 2 wives and 5 children and lives alone in the same free home as U. He is grateful for the rooms, grateful for this job which gives him peace of mind and his children whom he visits every week.

Sadly, how much money one has does seem to matter a lot and colour the way we feel about our lives and other people.

Food for Thought

2008-09-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

There are somethings we do that we take for granted without really thinking is this truly necessary?

One being - the printing a souvenir to mark an occasion.

The latest one I'm involved with is a souvenir to mark the 150th year of our Nilgiri Library. I'm suitably low down on a sub sub committee with some tasks strictly outlined for me. Though my personal view is that the whole running of the Library is far too snooty (not for nothing do we have the epithet snooty Ooty) and it should be open to more people; still I have been doing what is asked of me in return for the strong base the Library has been in my life at Ooty.

This morning as I was interviewing the staff for an article for the souvenir, an elderly gentleman started asking me the point of the whole thing. (He did remind me of my Father with his pertinent, uncomfortable-making, difficult to answer questions).

He said all souvenirs end up in the basket. They only go to people who already know about the institution. Souvenirs are created to put in the photos of the existing committee and to blow up a few egos. Why don't we use the money to prop up the building which is disintegrating and to increase the salaries of the staff who are of course paid a non-living wage?

All very valid. Now, do i have the courage to put this across to the haloed committee?

Movies

2008-09-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

Saroja- Fun, light movie. Its not a movie you go home and think about. But neither is it boring. The young director, Venkat Prabhu has taken pains to present a thriller but with elements of comedy that prevent it from getting bogged down by darkness. And there is literally a lot darkness as most of the movie takes place one night - in a dark broken down factory.
There are a lot of promo efforts going on to fill empty theatres and I do hope they succeed. As Im sure Venkat is going to give us better movies as he goes on.

Raman Thediya Seethai. I thought being Cheran's movie, it would have a new theme, new outlook and different characters. The one flaw could be he is too serious and not entertaining enough. All expectations got fulfilled except that the movies is not Cheran's but is directed by K.P. Jagannath and produced by Moser Baer who are going to produce family -pics. This is all of one. You can see it with the whole family though it may hold only the older generation .

The theme is 'bride seeing'. How difficult it is when the groom has a 'flaw' or defect or drawback. It instantly puts off girls and the depressing effect it has on the boy.

Cheran is the protagonist but there are stories of other people too. Pasupathy as a blind, extremely self confident and self reliant Radio VJ makes a terrific impact. And newcomer Nithin Sathya as a thief with blarney. Pretty girls come and go. The photography is good and the backdrops, scenery very pleasing to the eye.

Tirupparankundram and Marriages

2008-09-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

Last week we were in Tirupparankundram, not specifically to worship Lord Muruga but to celebrate a marriage.

Tirupparankundram is three miles southeast of historic, bustle-filled Madurai. It is one of the Aru Padai Veedugal or six sacred places selected by Lord Subrahmanya for his abode.

Lord Murugan or Karttikeya or Subrahmanya or Skanda has a Thousand Names. And a thousand temples confined to Tamil Nadu and Srilanka, Malaysia, Maldives..only wherever Tamils congregate unlike his popular elder brother, Ganesh or Pillaiyar as we call him. Why?

Tirupparankundram is built in a cave in a hill and no one seems to be quite sure of its age. The idols are cut into the rock face. The tank outside is surrounded by a grand rock on two sides making a nice view. Muruga married his Northern wife, Devyani, daughter of Indra here and so this temple is considered very auspicious for weddings.

The day we were there, the temple was packed – with newly married couples and their families - weddings were going on in every available space. It was rather nice to see young happiness all over. The happiness of a wedding does spill over to watchers.

The wedding we attended was in a hall close by. It went off very smoothly without hitches. Two factors contributed to the lack of confusion. One was that the bride was a Bengali and her bewildered family could hardly add their views to the proceedings. Second was that my cousin sister (groom's mother) had quarelled with her immediate family, so they were politely around but not feeling good enough to hand out contrary instructions. :-)

But the discordant note was actually the entertainment laid on. A variety entertainment group (of 'Vijay tv pugal") tried attracting an indifferent audience with old jokes, songs, dances , acts in various costumes. It was sad to see them saying 'come on clap for us'. I do think we shouldn't get singers/dancers etc to perform during weddings. It is so insulting to them when people hardly pay them any attention.

Family weddings are fun when we have the time to stay overnight and really interact. But when we spend hours travelling to the destination, make a token attendance and then rush back then it all seems pointless.

My sis has a new rule. Attend only the weddings of people whom you have seen something of outside social functions. Applying this rule, I should have to give a great many family wedding a miss.

Sujatha -in Irandaam Kadhal Kadhai

2008-09-16T02:40:00.000-07:00

Although the title says kadhal kadhai-love story; the story is more about a girl liberating herself - even, from love. Sujatha or Rangarajan proves himself as always a forerunner in thought.

This story was first published several years ago so I guess its okay to reveal bits of it.

Nidhi, the protagonist is a headstrong young girl, going to computer classes on the surface but actually going around town with her young lover, Dumbo. Her father suspects something is going on and actually gets a detective agency on her case. Nidhi is outraged. Father hastily arranges a marriage to a whiz kid who comes to his office to raise capital for his venture.

Post marriage, Nidhi finds her unease about her new husband growing. Many things are mysterious and shady in his life. At this point I wanted to abandon the book. We see enough of it on Tv and hear similar stories so often. But I did continue and Im glad.

Because Nidhi is no crying-buckets-type. She is bold and takes charge of her life.She escapes with great difficulty to come back home only to find her parents disbelieving and unsupportive.

In real life, many women can be convinced by her parents to go back. But not Nidhi. She contrives with the other partner of her father's firm to take charge of the firm ( she could since a lot of the shares are in her name) and plans her revenge on her father and her husband.
Meanwhile she sheds her playful girl avatar and becomes a very responsible, successful manager.

The characters in the book are all interesting.Very well etched.

Nidhi blames her father for several things. One he has never been a very good husband nor a good father although he has been a good provider.He has never listened really to her. But only wanted her to listen to his ideas and live life accordingly. In his haste, he doesn't investigate the new bridegroom whom he is convinced is a wonderful 'boy'.

Mom has never opposed her husband. Because, she says, her family was financially dependent on her husband, they taught her never to question him. Her job was look after home and children while he made all the decisions. Im left wondering if some women are/were like this truly?

Augustus, the perfect secretary is one interesting character in the book. Neat, dry, efficient he becomes Nidhi's guide in business and life. At one point she even feels she might marry him. This does happen very often in real life. Women are drawn to men who encourage support and help them; especially when they are going through a distressing patch. Even if they are socially or financially or otherwise junior. And sometimes marry them.

Dumbo the lover who feels outraged when Nidhi presses him to marry her. Too late he realizes what he's given up. He tries to get back to Nidhi later, but she has grown beyond him.

A young girl turning around a company may not be plausible. But the way she turns around her life is great. This story which appeared in Anadna vikatan years ago maybe was a forerunner of the serial which appear today on tv. A strong woman is inspiring and maybe that is why such stories and tv serials are popular. We need role models.

Monsoon Clouds

2008-09-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

Oncoming rain - through my window - so a bit blurred.
I only wish I had a camera that could capture the sun shining on a bright green hill beyond those dark rain clouds

Those bright fluffy white clouds suddenly getting covered by dark ominous clouds. Reminded me of something I read this morning.

"Have you ever thought, when something dreadful happens, a moment ago things were not like this; let it be then not now, anything but now.
And you try and try to remake then but you know you can't. So you try to hold the moment quite still and not let it move on and show itself". Mary Stewart

Today might be tough for you.
You might not want the next moment to show itself.
But at least you have it. you still have life.
A choice as to how you will live this precious day. -Sara Teasdale

man aasai

2008-09-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

As I went on my walk this afternoon -
The view on my left

The view on my right

Investment? Financial Savvy? A little hideout in the Hills to be used once a year?
Development for Man but i can hear the hill cry

Ponniyin Selvan

2008-09-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

Favorite of my mother's generation - and I can see why. The story is racy having appeared in a weekly and having to enthrall readers each week.

Its innocent and descriptive and great fiction. Well researched too. A very imaginative and prolific writer. Love at first sight with accompanying flowers and butterflies and gazes that cannot be broken; skirmishes at the turn of a page, forest assignations, glories of king and cities..one lives in Chola nadu.

But its the names that fascinate- the brave Vandiyedevan, the beautiful and bold Kundavai, Arulmozhi varmar, Aditha karikalar, Kanthamaran, Alzwarkadiyaan,.. they roll of the tongue so mellifluously.

Ive just finished the first book . 5 more to go .

Sea of Poppies

2008-09-02T05:58:00.000-07:00

Well researched, informative - boring.

One can learn about the opium trade- cruelty of mankind- racism - human nature if one perseveres which I did having loved a couple of his older books.

Bharathanatyam

2008-08-31T06:01:00.000-07:00

I've just come back from a Bharathanatyam performance . Nothing remarkable really about that - except that it was by two youngish girls who are married and mothers to school going children and belong to an extremely conservative community. As people said, kudos to their families to let them learn after marriage and travel to Coonoor for 4 years to do that.

I hadnt taken my camera or I could have posted a pic of these two pretty young girls; which is half the battle it seems in Bharanatyam. The looks, the jewellery, the technical perfection, the strong voice of the singer , the smiles on their faces (even if they are called rictus grins it is nice to look at a smiling face) all made it a wonderful performance. Their guru being from Kalakshetra the dance was so good to watch - not the filmy kind at all.

I then realized it has been years since Ive seen a live performance - it seems such a treat so why doesn't it happen more often? One is Ooty is rather a cultural desert - and the second, i dont make an effort to go in other towns .

This evening just happened. My friend called about this performance. I didnt know the family at all but what the heck, all performers need as big an audience as they can get. And after two weeks of being mostly housebound I needed a break. And it was wonderful meeting friends and enjoying what Ms.Geetha Srinvisan termed 'a technically excellent performance'. She was moved to talk about her 'athai 'Rukmini Arundale too. And her regrets over not being allowed to learn this 'devdasi' art form long ago.

I had to feel a bit regretful because I was 'forced' to learn for many many years and never enjoyed it at all. While my elder sister looked forward to the classes, I would go hide when the master appeared and had to be dragged out. Naturally no results.

But I did think happily that a few effects had lingered on when last week a used-car salesman asked me 'Madam are you a Bharathanatyam dancer?" Pleased, I had to say blushingly 'No, no what makes you say so'. Darshini cut short my beams by saying 'Ma, can't you make out he is trying to sell you a lemon'?

Well, I guess we need both - the salesmen to make us temporarily happy and kids to bring us down to earth.

And lovely Bharathanatyam dancers for the occasional high.

Stray stuff

2008-08-19T20:54:00.000-07:00

- with the blast of patriotism on TV on Aug15th and statements like 'you can take an Indian out of India, but you can't take India out of an Indian';
it made me wonder how NRI s feel on such days.Do they feel connected or nostalgic or just have gone past all this?

- Women have to keep listening - to their parents, then their husbands, and then their sons (Im not too sure about daughters ) about how their lives should be run.
Sharadha and I were discussing this - but how true is this truism?
Asking around, it seems to make a difference if the woman is working.
Money is power?

Learning Time

2008-08-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is Kantharaj, a soldier whom I was tutoring in English for a month.Kantharaj is studying to pass some exams hoping to make it to officer grade or to quit the army after a few years and take up a civilian job.He wants to be ready then with the right credentials.

I learnt quite a bit from him about Nagaland, the North East, Kashmir and Siachen where he hopes to be posted next. So far, I haven't interacted personally with any soldier and this has been very interesting.
He didn't seem to have any qualms about killing which was the first thing that came to my mind. Working conditions, the people he interacted with, the places he visited and getting ahead were what were on his mind.

But what really struck me was his acceptance of everything- people and their customs and their habits and their outlook. While he was talking about people in the North east eating practically everything that moved including cats and dogs- I did feel a bit queasy. But he took it in his stride and said the army trains them to survive in the forest on almost anything.

Kantharaj did teach me to be a bit more open and less judgmental.

Brenda does me proud

2008-08-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

Last post has inspired Brenda and doesn't that make me grin like a Cheshire cat.
Brenda, you pick the right thing all right.

Just a little comment on your Show. I wish I'd been there to see it.

SAME DIFFERENCE

Children standing in a row,
Putting on a little show,
Looking solemn and severe
Showing just a bit of fear.
All determined to succeed,
Showing they can all take heed,
Show in ways both dress and facial
Differences that are racial.
You show children standing there
In their saris with dark hair.
And I see that they are Asian,
Not from my Australian nation.

But, as soon as children giggle,
Give a good excited wiggle,
They could come from anywhere,
Any country, they don't care.
As soon as children 'fall about'
They're just KIDS there is no doubt.

Star Struck

2008-08-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

Only a mad woman would decide to put on a skit involving 20 excitable kids a week before the date in a language they are not too familiar with. Of course that mad woman is me.
But to my credit, I very quickly decided against a story from the freedom struggle. Since both the players and the audience don't understand English, it would be wasting everyone's time. But it had to be in English since I was conducting English classes for them.

So it became a medley of little vignettes- all connected together by a TV watching , channel surfing family. The news - both local and national; a dance show; a singing choir(tough- this one); sports and a comedy show.

A couple of friends whom I was consulting thought the ideas were sizzling.
The News show had little asides - like a leapord being caught and a new violet rose..
The dancers were to wear blue jeans and white shirts and rock to Venga boys and Stayin' alive. The choir had Do-re-me ( the only song both I and they could manage) word perfect. The sports channel was great- with a terrifically non-stop incomprehensible cricket commentary. The Olympic games had a few boys doing kuttikaranams (for acrobatics) ; tennis, 100m run and boxing. All backed by a angelic faced commentator whom I longed to whack .

Well, today..
The news readers forgot to bring their scripts and extempored a bit.. but the asides did their bits very well not bothering about the news being read.
The dancers had dressed in bright sarees for another dance and were to change but in the incomprehensible way of programs this one came first so they did their break dance in all their finery.
The choir got all the lines mixed up but of course no one really knew.
The sports and comedy show got a lot of cheering ..

So altogether, a fun show. and..all the kids came up to ask ..how did I do?

If one reaches for the stars; then one does fall far short but its still worthwhile.
The Choir!!

The News- with the leapord crawling in at the wrong moment

The GAMES

Dancers

Some of the actors..

In their natural state..

Thavamai thavam irunthu

2008-08-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

This is a good movie but one that you keep putting off because its so sad.

The first half shows the fiscal troubles that beset a poor, upright man trying to do the best for his family.He works night and day; his wife and he take very little for themselves and their only pleasure is in giving it to their two sons. What sets this father slightly above the rest is that he is willing to go to any length to do the best for his sons. And keeps thinking ahead of what is best for them. The scene where he cycles in the burning heat to the next town with the two boys to give them a better education all the while instructing them in tidbits of knowledge gets etched in memory mostly due to Raj Kiran's wonderful deep voice.

The boys of course don't realise the extent of their parent's sacrifices for them and take them for granted. So hurt and tribulation pile up on the old couple.

Cheran is driving home a message here.How wonderful it is for children to live with their grandparents and bask in their loving care. And what a loving son can be.
My only grouse is he's neglected to etch out the character of his wife. Although she is professionally educated and has a job; she hardly matters except as 'wife' and 'daughter-in-law'.

Recently my sister was sighing because she couldn't be in two places at the same time and saying maybe she needs a driver/helpful man to do some of her jobs. And I thought that before we had grandfathers, brothers and cousins around the house who could be deputed to do these jobs. Now, with nuclear families we have to pay and find someone to do them.

We had Thatha, a gentle, kind man who could be depended on to escort us to libraries or shops and buy us the pencil/geometry box secretly to replace the one we'd lost. And chocolates too. And be ready at a moment's notice to read us the comic strips and tell us long stories.
Grandma took us to movies , temples , shopping and wherever one needed a backup to fight a battle.
Mama s were around to tell jokes and cheer us up when we were in the sloughs after a fight or after being thoroughly scolded.
Athais cooked whatever we desired at that moment cheerfully and happily.

My mom never stepped into a shop or paid a bill all her life. She had all these people around to do her bidding. Of course she looked after them in return.

It does seem a good life in those days filled with the comfort of people.
But are we willing to go back? I don't think so.

Does everything become male or female?

2008-08-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

This sounds like a query on a language lesson-French or Hindi where everything has a gender.
But its just a thought that rises after reading GVK's post 'Is blogger male or female?
We have glass ceilings at work- do we have to discover them in the anonymous world of blogs? I dont think we should be so competitive in every sphere.

Bloggin is fun and cathartic and lets you blow off a little steam and a little on your trumpet. Lets keep it that way.

Moot point

2008-07-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend last evening and he was tending to go on about a topic which really got under my skin.
Is it better to tell him to stop talking about this topic and hurt him or let him go on and let myself be upset and stew about it the whole evening?

Maslow's Hierarchy and Wants

2008-07-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

What women want.

At level 1 are women who just want to be married - and for various reasons its just not happening
At level 2 are women who want a stable husband, who doesn't drink or beat her too much.
At level 3 are the women who long for a little house, money to run the household and educate the children and buy a simple chain or earring.
At the top, we have the women who long for companionship and understanding and shared interests and loving care.

In between are women who ask for children, great career, health, loving relationships, more material things .....

Whatever we have, our wants are in a rung above. Isnt this just part of being human?

Being Grateful

2008-07-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

Come the monsoon, Im made aware of the basics -water, gas,power and telephone and being grateful for them. We've just come through 24 hours without power and life is pretty quiet without light and warmth and song. Sometimes we live a week without and making do and good cheer are stretched very thin :-)

My basics are probably luxuries for many. And maybe this happens to remind me not to take anything for granted. Or get too attached.

One picture that does haunt me is Saddam Hussein's last bunker. A man who lived in grand palaces with halls as large as football grounds reduced to a hole in the ground. How easily life changes circumstances.
An earthquake or cyclone or a tsunami can change it for ordinary people; it doesn't have to be political upheavals.

Mozhi and Relationships

2008-07-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

I've just been watching the film Mozhi in full after seeing it in a great many drips on TV. Its a lovely film with lovely people, not only lovely on the outside but on the inside too.

The hero asks the actually-bright but literally-dumb heroine to marry him. While she sees her deafness as a barrier, he says he will enter her world, share it with her and love her for ever.

While this is all so beautiful, I do wonder if its realistically possible for two people to live in a happy ever after mode. Relationships go in such cycles especially when you live together in proximity.All the nitty gritty of life plays such a big part in expectations and who does what and for whom. Not only with a couple but even with parents, siblings, friends and aunts and uncles and cousins.

At times, you are happily coexisting and at others, you even hate the way someone is eating. A lot has to do with how your life is going on in other parts. Everything gets reflected in the home.

Where does someone find the energy to be nice kind and loving always after fighting the big battles outside? He or she has to be extraordinarily centered and love life and himself/herself.

Thirukadaiyur

2008-07-24T06:30:00.001-07:00

Thirukadaiyur is the place to which many people go to celebrate the fact that they have lived through life for 60 or 80 years; but there is a catch - you can only celebrate if your spouse is alive and the second, you have to be a male.
I don't think females get to celebrate their birthdays so publicly.

In these days, it may not be so remarkable to live healthily and happily for 60 years, still its an occasion to rejoice. So last weekend found us in Thirukadaiyur, happily celebrating Umanna's birthday. There were about 20 other people too celebrating their Sashtiyaptha Poorthi though one 80 year old doing the Shathabishekam had to be revived later.

Its very festive with an elephant who comes and welcomes and escorts each couple into the temple. He must be pretty dizzy by the end of the day . Then there is a is a pretty looking cow and calf doing the blessings. These are commonly shared by all the family groups gathered and sometimes, the nadaswaram troupe is shared too.

The temple is large, ancient and black with the fumes of the large number of homams going on everyday. The sanctums are dark, the stones depressed with the imprint of thousands of feet, all surfaces possible carry a layer of vibhuti or kumkum, traces of flowers and oil and puja debris are everywhere . There is a fantastic sense of good cheer in the temple because its all about rejoicing -just being alive.The floors are decorated with huge painted colourful kolams reflected in the very colourful and detailed gopurams.

The puja is remarkably easy to arrange with package deals now including food (good and cheap) laid on nearby; hotel rooms line the road to the temple and lots of other temples to visit in surrounding areas.

The temple deifies Markendeya who put his belief in his Lord Siva , and clung to the lingam at Thirukaidyoor resolutely when Yama came to collect him once his 16 years were up. Shiva killed Yama and blessed Markendeya with eternal youth. But of course later he forgave Yama, so Yama now guards the temple.

Another special deity is of Kalla Varanappillayar. When the devas were churning the milky ocean , they came up with amrutam.But in their haste, they'd forgotten to pray to Pillaiyar who has to be called first before embarking on any good act. He stole the pot and hid it here. Once appeased , he forgave and handed it over. But the amrutam transformed itself as Shivalingam - thus called 'Amrutagateshwarar'.

The third story is about Goddess Abhirami.
Abirami Bhattar, lived in blind devotion to Goddess Abirami and composed the - "Abirami Anthathi" in her praise. He was branded a lunatic by his critics and they complained to the then King Sarabhoji. Sarabhoji came to the temple and asked Abirami Bhattar "what is the thithi today?" - In deep meditation and looking at the Goddess' moon-face, he replied 'today is pournami (poornima) day" whereas it was actually Amavasya Thithi. Enraged with his answer, the King said "if no moon is sighted today - you will be consigned to flames". A huge fire-ball was erected. Abhirami Bhattar sat on a wooden plank above it and started singing hymns towards Goddess. When he finished, Goddess Abirami threw her ear-stud in the space, which got transformed into a full-moon, lighting the world.

Altogether a very interesting temple and a heartwarming occasion.

How to Get there!
We got to Thirukadaiyur by traveling to Kumbakonam by a fast train and then cabbing it from there - it took about 90 minutes.
Mayiladutharai (22 km) and Seergazhi (30 km)are large towns nearby.
Besides, Nagapatinam and Chidambaram to which there are a large number of bus services.
The nearest airport is at Trichy .

Kamaraj's bday- World Literacy Promotion Day

2008-07-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

One little bit for Literacy promotion.
This is our 'tution' class. As of Today. Since the number is rapidly growing and I have to use all sorts of threats to thin it down. It takes a lot of patience and I have to get smarter each day. And hopefully employ another teacher.

On occasion like today, when I ask for a list of 'action' words (verbs) and there are a lot of shouts, 'Rajini, Vjay, Vijaykanth, then Im hard put to stop laughing like mad. And I go on.

After a year of teaching 8 kids at home, and crossing a lot of language barriers, I have quit worrying about whether I'm, really doing them any good. I found my answer in Shama Futehally.When she says, 'just your presence is enough to make a difference to their lives. Interacting with a person out of their class, is broadening their minds. The book learning comes second'.

Bed n' brekker

2008-07-11T22:05:00.000-07:00

Yday was a fun morning. A meeting with TTDC to promote the bed n breakfast concept.

An announcement in the newspapers, phones that didn't work in the offices when you rang to confirm timings, official speeches thanking one and all for being gracious enough to do their job, biscuits and tea, forms to fill ,one spokesman from outside the govt and no one really too committed or well-informed about the concept being promoted.

The poor guys met their match in Ooty's vocal lot. The locals took the opportunity to run down the lack of infrastructure for tourists, 'roads that have to hold world records for the time they look to be laid ', 'drain-brains' in the district, environmental hazards caused by the govt; red tape encountered by those already in the business, apathy of officers and so on.

Of course the officers had the final say 'the govt will look into it and do the needful'.

The tourist guide who listed the do-s and donts of hosting foreigners had this to say. 'Dont give up your individuality. For instance, my wife a Tambram insists on people washing their feet when they visit the loo. She serves them kesari and bajji'. He tops it up with beer for which he charges the visitors.

But for me the icing was meeting my old neighbours from Coimbatore there. They came home for an impromptu lunch and chat and were on their way. Its the surprise and goodwill that lingers on fragrantly.

Goes round?

2008-07-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

Does what we give come back to us? Through someone else? That's what we say and like to believe. But I had one instance happen to me yday.

An acquaintance - I can't even call him a friend - leaving town turned up and left me with more than 40 potted plants. An unexpected gift and one which is heart warming. The sight of 30 plants banked together can give warm pleasure to anyone whatever the plants.

I don't know this person too well. So why?

Many many years ago when we shifted to Madras, I handed over my young plant collection to an acquaintance- actually she was a friend of my mother's. I would have forgotten the deed except that she often brings it up.It seemed to be outside her experience that anyone could just hand over something without expecting something in return.
She has been so kind over the years, giving much more in return that my deed hardly counts.

This man knows what he's talking about

2008-07-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game,she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her! .. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

I agree, agree!

Too Much of A Good Thing

2008-07-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm sure many people think it would be great to have a live-in Doctor. On hand to consult for the most minor sniffles to suspect large pains. Well, I can tell you that on-tap consulting works in reverse and the family thrives mostly on neglect rather than TLC.

I've just been baby-sitting my niece and her new born son.After a week of being surrounded by docs and hearing stuff like 'it cant be pathological;it must be physiological' and 'what's the pharma?' about any tablet and debates about modes of treatment, all I can say is Ignorance is bliss when it comes to medicine.

You put your trust in your doctor and the hospital and the nurse and that things will turn out right.

This poor babe didn't stand a chance of this happening. When mother, father, grandfathers, grandmother and even great grandfather are doctors, then its doubt and questioning and discussion all the way. Throw in an uncle or two who rings up regularly to say ' this is the latest way in the UK/Lancet '. And it gets merrier.
Vanaja put it nicely 'oh, everyone but the baby was a doctor?'

Among the latest techniques is KMT (Kangaroo Mother's touch) In this case, it was more KFT. Young fathers are so much more hands on- with wives and babies, I say yahoo for them.

We who have lived for about half a century know that health tenets are like fashion- they come around in cycles. Mother's milk vs supplements; carry babes around vs leave them alone;on demand feeding vs timed feeds; give rest to mother vs make them exercise fast; strict diets vs eat all - there are so many issues to debate :-)

But this sojourn in hospital really brought home to me that each baby is a miracle - something that I've taken for granted. When you watch tearful parents, some with scan reports in their hands, some with misshaped babies, some with dashed hopes then one realizes just to have a healthy baby itself is a wonderful gift.

A friend in the IT industry was telling me that the fertility clinics these days are filled with young parents. They have no medical problems but stress and lifestyle act as deterrents to conceive. Plans to put off babies are foolish is his opinion - as someone who put off a baby for 3 years and then had to wait an anxious 3 more to hold his own son. Nothing can beat that feeling he says.

Aadiperukku

2008-06-30T01:44:00.000-07:00

Aadiperukku or Padinettam Perukku is observed only in the Kaveri delta. The festival name translates as Adi (month) swell or 18th day swell because the waters of the Kaveri river invariably rise dramatically, often to the 18th step on the 18th day of the month of Adi, corresponding with the second or third of August every year.

Adi is the month for planting seeds and vegetation. Since monsoon is at its peak, there is enough water for crops. To the predominantly agrarian communities who live in this rice cultivation tract along the Kaveri river basin districts of Tanjavur and Tiruchirapalli, the increased water levels directly correlate with economic prosperity. This occasion is marked by offerings of chitrannam or rice cooked in different flavours,colours and ingre-dients to honour the river goddess and nature for life giving water.

The increased abundance of water makes this an auspicious day; Adi Perukku is celebrated as fertility and reproduction predominantly by women in Tamil Nadu. Families often bathe in the river, wetting the head (snanam), wear new clothes and perform a consecration (abhishekam) for Kaveri amman. They give visitors auspicious turmeric, kumkum, betel leaves and nuts (vetrilai pakku), fruits and flowers. Some use the day as an excuse to buy jewellery. After the women have performed the puja, families eat at home and rest. The men and children participate in the social picnic at the end of the day. In medieval times, Chola kings and royal households patronised this ritual.

Adi Pathinettu holds special significance for families with newlyweds. A bride is brought to her parent�s home by July 15 where she stays for the month of Adi. On Adi Pathinettu, the son-in-law is invited over, given new clothes, ornaments and sweets and the couple is reunited.
Courtesy: indiaprofile.com

My take is : I don't live in the delta region. Im not agrarian. The newly weds are far far away and far apart too. And have no thoughts about either Kaveri amman or harvests.
Shouldnt I be celebrating some mountain festival instead?

Dasavatharam

2008-06-30T00:21:00.000-07:00

The beginning is magnificent. The message is clear. Is it wise to trust in a God who may not always answer immediately?
The end with its special effects is a spectacle.

But inbetween, one can't quite follow the twists and turns and chases. And frankly, one doesn't care. The movie reminded me of a hundred others but mainly of Kamal's comedies with non stop quips and the story just hairpin bending all along. But he is no Crazy Mohan and the dialogue doesn't really catch.
Yes, he did talk about the Butterfly effect and I was very glad that Indrani had introduced us to this.

The main hero and heroine are boring people. Urvasi did the naive, innocent and focused TamBram maiden much better. When you see Kamal's other avatars , you just think why? Why this self-indulgence? The environmentalist spouting Tirunleveli Tamil with rolling eyes is impressive. The Punjabi cute, and Jayaprada as his wife, even cuter. Mallika Sherawat is interesting .

On the whole, tedious and not worth bullying a reluctant husband into accompanying one.

An added insight on Kamal and the movie by a fellow blogger

Parenting

2008-06-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

They had rods pierced through their tongues, ropes under the skin of their backs and other places. I didn't look too hard. It sends goose pimples up anyone watching.
And my cousin brother promptly told his young daughters- don't look. His wife said, of course not, let them see and accept. The kids said - we have seen such things on TV.

We try so hard to keep evil away from our children. We buy amulets and charms, go to God men to get specially blessings for our children; do our pujas and mantras taking care not to let inauspicious people like divorcees and widows participate.

We avoid discussions on drugs money and sex. Hoping that they wont think about any of them.
We generally try to be wise as we can; avoiding all the pitfalls we felt with our parents.

But still, we have to accept what they make of themselves finally.

" Which father, which teacher has been able to protect him (his son) from living his life for himself, from burdening himself with guilt, from drinking the bitter drink for himself, from finding the path for himself? Would you think that anybody might be spared from taking this path? that perhaps your little son would be spared, because you love him, because you would like to keep him from suffering and pain and disappointment?But even if you would die 10 times for him, you would not be able to take the slightest part of his destiny upon himself. "
Herman Hesse in Siddhartha.

This is a book that you can appreciate and like only at a certain stage in life. I have read it before and it didn't appeal. Suddenly now, it makes sense.

giving

2008-06-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

-The giver seems to like the receiver more rather than the other way around.
I know the giver always remembers longer. But this is a new thought.
Do we feel better, happier when we give so we have happier feelings towards someone who makes us feel thus?

Ask and you shall receive? It does irritate but people get what they want.

An annual fellowship given quietly.No function, fanfare, publicity, or even monitoring.Vijay Tendulkar reckoned that it is the recipients' - not the giver's - responsibility to make the best use of it.
Gowri Ramnarayan in Frontline

Taare Zameen Par

2008-06-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

-M's daughter is in National Law School, a place she worked hard to achieve.Couple of years into school, she's not sure this is what she wants. M wonders if all this hard work and career orientation is all there is in life?

-S's son works in a trading organisation ; a job that pays dividends. Now he feels life can't be about just money and he's itching to discover out the rest.

-G's son refuses to take the PG degree she thinks is necessary - he wants to quit his job and see the world.

- R opted out of placements in IIM to try and pursue a low paying job in journalism. (His large educational loan is growing and he plans to get an additional loan to study journalism.

These are all kids I know personally and have their parents worried about what is going on in their kid's heads.

Our gen had it simple. We were middle class, happy to get a seat somewhere in some good college ,study hard, happy to get that job and work hard to keep family and soul together. Few of us had alternate thoughts.

But now our kids are born into a greater degree of affluence. None of these kids have to provide for their parents so one pushing force has been removed.
Parents too recognize the right to pursue a dream. To choose their own path. Which doesnt have to be well trodden.

Yet, yday when Kalpana, a child sponsored by FF (Kalpana is on the home page).
came to ask Science or Maths for her Plus Two course; I instinctively say- go for Math you could become an Engg and get a fat salary. Although she has opted for Pure Science because that is the only course available to her in Tamil medium.
She is scared to study in English although she will be forced to do it when she goes to college. Her idea is to become a teacher. For a cowherd's daughter, that is a big dream. I tell her that I will help out with her lessons in the evenings. Will she switch , Im not sure.
Is my advice right? Im not sure.

you are exactly where you are meant to be

2008-06-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Saint Theresa is
known as the Saint of the Little Ways, meaning
she believed in doing the little things in life
well and with great love.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be confident knowing you are a child of
God. Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance,
praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

Just Bloggin

2008-06-21T03:34:00.000-07:00

After travel that involved train, auto plane bus and car Im glad to get home. And keep talking.In English.
Lakshmi, Im home to stay I Hope.

Far off Bhubaneswar was hit by rains that stopped all train traffic. If anyone has seen 'Anbe Sivam', it was all very reminiscent. Except that it stopped raining in Bhubaneswar a day later. Which left all parents unaware that trains were no longer running in that part of the country.

I was reluctant and rather guilt stricken about getting a plane out. I thought I should take the more adventurous slow bus-train route out. But tired after the events of the past month and wanting home and comfort. Sind said 'Ma, you have nothing to prove'. just take the plane'.

Am Im glad I did. It was a wonderful experience even with all the hours of hanging around in airports. Frequent fliers may be blase but to me, to see the land from above and just the flaps on the wing lift and retract and all the cloud formations was wonderful.

And Hyderabad airport is really something- right out of the movies.

Wedding

2008-06-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

Post wedding, it was like I'd been trampled by a herd of elephants. You can read family instead of elephants. Family who came and stayed, took over events and formalities, did whatever they liked instead of what I liked and totally had a marvellous time.
All 25 of them who came and stayed in my Father's house instead of moving to the hotel rooms booked for them said they'd never felt so involved in a wedding before. And never enjoyed themselves so much.
My sis summed it up by saying' we all enjoyed ourselves. Its your problem if you didnt'.
Obviously I didnt. I felt like my hair was standing up on end most times. Obviously it wasnt. Most people said the food was excellent (v.impt),the decor was good ( impt) and the events well organised !!!
Backstage it hardly felt like that. I guess lots of hackles and egos get raised during a wedding and one has to just forget it all later.
Lots of rituals. Women really get the limelight and power in these times and that maybe is why everything lingers on.

Bride and Groom were so happy and beaming throughout that a few people did remark that their happiness was contagious.
Makes everything worthwhile.

WEDDING

2008-06-21T03:03:00.000-07:00

Inspiration from Anywhere

2008-05-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has built a house knows this feeling. It comes towards the end when you think you can never break through the wall that remains to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The euphoria of planning ; of actually seeing the construction grow under your eyes has long evaporated with the long struggle with labour, material, growing costs and changing ideas.

I didn't think it would happen with conducting a wedding. But this weekend was IT point when I just felt, somehow something will happen and I dont care anymore how. I just want it to get over and done with. And for me to regain some semblance of life.

And then today a few things happened.

- Suddenly a couple of friends turned up and cheered us up.For months we've had no visitors and I've hardly been home too; so this was really unexpected.

- I happened to see a bit of the movie Guru on TV. And Guru's/Ambani's indomitable spirit is really fantastic.

- I got sent a 100 point checklist for weddings by mail. My first reaction, was Oh God NO, I dont need this.

But it left me laughing so much, Im thoroughly refreshed. It must have been put together by someone who has been through a lot. Obviously a Brahmin. Those poor souls go through so many more tortuous rituals and formalities , besides do s and donts

' Brother in law involvement in packing
'specify songs- NO TAPPANKUTHU SONGS'
'Disco if reqd provide them at untouchable height'
'Fix two persons to settle any dispute of any nature. Dont allow any other crowd.

For some points he mentions, one person fix.... all others keep quiet.

God does work in mysterious ways. And one of them is to bring together two families with different outlooks so that you learn to tolerate other viewpoints, cultivate diplomacy and really grow from where you've been for so many complacent years.

Bill Bryson

2008-05-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

Flying into Australia, I realized with a sigh that I had forgotten again who their PM is. I am forever doing this with the Australian PM- committing the name to memory, forgetting it (generally more or less instantly), then feeling, terribly guilty. my thinking is that there ought to be one person outside Australia who knows.

Down under- Bryson on Australia is pithy, sharply observant, interesting and laced throughout with a wonderful sense of humor.

Bill Bryson is a travel writer par excellence and I recommend him wholeheartedly wherever you are planning to travel. Or even if you are not. Just for the pleasure of reading. You can open his book anywhere, leave it off and continue from somewhere else with no sense of loss.

He's one guy who's kept me afloat these past few months. Which I can't say Shantharam did. One more bestseller abandoned quarter way.

I bid adieu to the wonderful friends I have here for a couple of weeks. When I come back, it will be with one more role to the clutch womens' day articles insist I have.

Mumbai

2008-05-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

The first time I went to Mumbai was over 20 years ago as company for a sister who was attending an interview at catering college. We stayed with her friends' family, Kashmiris who were extremely hospitable and welcoming. I remember the sparse cleanliness of their home and the sparse frame of the mother, worn out from a constant rote of household duties in a large family. Even in Broken Hindi, somewhere we were able to connect.

The second time was about 10 years ago with another sister, this time to attend an exam in a hospital. We stayed with another sister's friend's sister. In city style, they had meant to give us only beds but the Indian spirit soon caved in and we were eating a lot of meals with them and they were showing us places .

I suppose we saw the sights of Bombay - but its the memory of our hosts that remains.

Now when I have to go again , this time with my daughter; its still scary. Where will we stay, where will we find accommodation for her, how will we travel?
Foreigners seem to find their way around the country more easily. As I get older, new experiences get more intimidating.

But the great Indian networking system has been ticking. Sister's friends and friend's sisters which is how things work for us- are slowly shedding some light.

Well Im back after a nice slow trip to a fast city.

Impressions-
Bombay is rather like Madras - old worldly and colonial. There are the huge buildings and the little run down repair shops. But not so many hoardings. Driving around is rather pleasant.

Autos and taxis are wonderful. They take you right wherever you want to go. On the meter and its cheap.
But, they are not going to chat with you. In fact, no one is. The anonymity is both wonderfully freeing and depressing.
Every fourth building seems to have a real estate broker.
The electric train is mind boggling. Even first class on Sunday afternoon which Darshini insisted we try for the experience. Second would have been too much of one.
A question to the ladies in there was met with blank stares. Maybe the accent was all wrong. Or just dis involvement.

Traveling by train to Mumbai- its all dry fields and hanging electric wires. A few farmers with ploughs and oxen. Not even tractors. Seen through dirty panes of glass, India is not shining outside its cities.

But every Mumbaite we met swears by their city. They would live no where else.

People and Places

2008-04-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

After a week away in the sizzling Metropolis, its heavenly to come back to still silence. Not so still with a lot of birds chirping, the occasional vehicle honking and all the sounds of household living around.
But still removed from the madding crowd.

Enroute to Chennai, Coimbatore was baking away. I thought firmly I mustn't mention the weather. It happens every year and people do live though it. And I grew up in the heat. What's new?
Suddenly I felt sympathetic to poor NRIs who transplant themselves every holiday into all sorts of conditions they've grown unaccustomed to. And when they do complain, we give them beady glares which say ' so where did you come from'?
I do feel like giving a left hook to someone who says 'oh you have buffaloes on the road!' after having been away for a year or two. Maybe with time I will be able to forgive this too.

But, everywhere we went, people did talk about the weather. In a very British way, it seems to bind us together and form a very good topic of conversation. And we needed it. We were going around inviting lots of people to the wedding in between lots of shopping. Many were people we've never visited.

People do think its mad in this day and age to go around personally inviting people. But it seems a good occasion to connect. Otherwise, we hardly take the time and trouble to cultivate people whom we're just acquainted with. Even if they are relatives.

And since, its absolutely a gross mistake to ring up and find out if people are available (I learnt it the hard way ), one can gatecrash and see how people actually live. Its interesting . And easier on them too. They know you are there to visit for only 5 minutes so everyone is happier and warmer. Even if you've broken their slumber or favorite tv program.

Since in my family its considered uncivilized to do anything in a sedate sanitized manner, as many people as possible will fit into any car going anywhere. Which meant that 7 of us were traveling around the city on a hot day in a small car including one very small hyperactive child. So it took time for people to unload and load at each stop, lots of spilling of kumkum, loosing cellphones and other paraphernalia at different houses, counter instructions to the driver, arguments about where next,family gossip in full spate and generally what is considered a boring chore was never that.

The city does unwind one in its own way.

Santhosh Subramanian

2008-04-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

Do you dislike ‘cute girls’? I do. The heroine of this movie, Hasini is far more pert, bubbly, cuter than any modern heroine. Very very difficult to digest.

By the interval, I was thinking -This must be one of the most stupid films I’ve ever seen. We were at the theatre to keep my mind off a couple of things. I said to Darshini that I should have stayed home and kept my mind on those things instead.Only knowing it was a super duper hit in telugu kept us there to see if the story would finally start after the break.

It did a bit. The film makes one point but takes a long while getting there. In many Indian families, its Father Knows best. It was in mine and I still find it very difficult to make a decision of which my father does not approve.
Its not that Father or Mother is bad or makes wrong decisions or does not consider carefully each decision . They have the child's interest so much at heart they can't let go.The child never gets to make decisions on his own. The parent knows whats best and what is right for the child.
Santhosh Subramanian is the story of one such relationship when the father doesn't let go of his child’s hand until he is forced to.

Maybe that is why the movie was popular. Because many people can identify with it.

NOte: Many many people seem to disagree with me:-))) They like the movie very much.

The HIndu has given it a good review. But since the general thumb rule is 'if the HIndu gives a good review, it must be a bummer', that can be disregarded.

And Darshini's friend wants her to find him a bride just like Genelia in the movie.!

Taste is a very individual thing:-))))))

Bride-In-Waiting

2008-04-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

You'd think or rather Mad Mothers like to think or so we've been brainwashed to think - that Girls-going-to-get-Married would spend their time applying papaya/banana/cucumber to their faces and learning to cook and worrying about what to wear.

Obviously this is not happening here. Driving classes, junketing around the countryside getting more tanned, reading stuff she's missed out these last years and being involved in every bit of the wedding plans is shocking everyone around.

Note: The pic has the wedding invitations arranged in front - its not the floor. I'm not brave enough to go in for a white floor.
The cards were laid out to dry after dotting them with the customary turmeric at the edges. It just seemed a good pic.

Ammu aahia Naan

2008-04-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

This movie still lingers in my mind even a month later. Maybe because of the photography , maybe because of the settings ,maybe because of the makeup , maybe because of the acting and maybe because of the story line which were all so good.

The characters are so different from people one meets generally in real life, that one can't quite accept the story. Would this be how a girl would feel in these circumstances?

Ammu is an orphan growing up in a brothel.Her emotional life evolves in stages.
In the first part, she gets initiated into the profession which she accepts happily and easily.
Then comes the idealistic hero - a writer who wants to rescue her, by marrying her. She refuses, saying she cant stay with one man. But the death of another inmate persuades her.
The third is her metamorphosis into a loving housewife although she doesn't really love him all that much when she marries him. His patience with her changes her behavior and feelings.

But the lover emerges strong.When there is a test. The depth of the love between them is enviable and beautiful.

But is it real? I really don't know. But a beautiful and path breaking movie.

Yaaradi Nee Mohini

2008-04-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

We just wanted to see a movie.Anything - for a break from the routine of the past week.
We saw the poster for this movie, thought family type- can't be too bad even if Danush is in it. Rang a couple of friends, they were in the same state of ennui and with hardly any planning 5 of us were watching the movie.Maybe it was just being together after a long time; maybe it was low expectations, but we all enjoyed the movie.

Light wholesome comedy, a lighter story line, lots of dripping sentiment and a co-operative team which seems to have said- I have this idea, I've seen it,I want to insert this somewhere. And got it done. Danush seems to have wanted to try to better than his father-in-law in the same kind of scenes, such as the snake scene. Nayantara becomes a homely family girl again and looks glamorous even as hard career girl. Not sure what Karthik is doing here. except that his komanam scene is one of the best in the movie.

Absolute time pass.

The Quality of Classy People

2008-04-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

What defines class? Or what makes a person classy? Darshini and I were discussing this today on a walk.

Before I bring up some of the answers we found, I have to say I reserve the right to be politically incorrect and as biased as I want to be on my blog. We know that good taste shouldn't be defined by someone; people shouldn't be slotted into categories or classes, one person is not better than another because of his or her activities, that we shouldn't like a person more because he or she is physically attractive.
And yet we are incorrigible, aren't we when it comes to judging and classifying people?

To get back, after happily discussing a great many people we know, we thought that some things could define the few that we thought as people with class.

People who don't push and pull, who don't yell (mostly), who treat everyone the same, who don't look over your shoulder while talking to you; people who don't crib and complain a lot, people who are good humored mostly , are not afraid to spend money...

But overall its a feeling that they give out- they accept and know themselves and know where they are going. They neither puff themselves up nor demean themselves in any way. They have a nice feel about them.

Any other definitions?

A Ripple of Life

2008-04-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

We are visiting the family deity ( brought into the limelight suddenly after many years of dull obscurity ) in a tiny rural community some miles from Tiruvarur. The blindingly bright green paddy fields around Tanjavur have been left behind. This area is a little more dry with paddy spread on the roads to be threshed by passing vehicles. Of course the paddy gets caught in the car wheels and we have to stop to remove it. A bus going the opposite way is brought to a halt before us. A very young conductor steps out. Behind him a gaggle of young boys fall out of the bus and approach us uncertainly . We never discover what is it they mean to do ? One thing clear is- they are all bemused by this carload of city slickers and no one is irritated by the unnecessary delay. The car moves to the side of the road and they stare curiously in as they pass by. The scene is so rural that I want to film it myself. And I see what inspires our hundreds of filmmakers - the dark turbaned old man riding slowly through the green country side - lambs and goats gamboling on the road in front - a young couple with a babe in arms waiting patiently at the side of the road for the bus- a rickety ramshackle school with plants growing all over it -

We reach the temple- a small building with a few huts around . The inside is dark and cemented. The Amman is a dark statue one can hardly see. Not really very appealing. Till the pujari starts his riutals.

He bathes Her in a couple of pots of water. Her dark form glistens sinuously and she suddenly comes to life. She has so many beautiful curves. He highlights them with milk and then with turmeric laced water and covers her with banana paste.
Suddenly she is clean again and covered in minutes with a bright yellow saree. The gaudy gold embroidery looks lovely in this setting. With a sure hand, the pujari adorns her person with huge round turmeric and kumkum dots. I suddenly think that with the advent of sticker bindis its years since I did it for myself.
With deftness, he garlands her and with most of her form hidden, she is now mysterious and a Goddess, a woman no more.

Suddenly there are a host of urchins at the door. Sans underwear but with a tumbler in each hand. Ready to receive the prasadam, unapologetic, unabashed ,the food of the Gods theirs by divine right.

And the morning is complete.

Stray thoughts and Moments

2008-04-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

- People of all ages and classes make contact with babies and little children, whatever may be the background of their families, rich or poor, North or South Indian. Why do the barriers grow as we age? What do we fear when we see another human being?

- crowded temples make the business of actually getting to the deity so cumbersome it leaves very little thought for actually thinking of god. Or does a true devotee see or feel none of the harassment?

- we did the last bit of the trip to Ooty in a fibreglass bus with transparent top. Nice feel but gets rather hot. Pleasant after the mist and drizzle came down.The bus was rather empty because the ticket costs thrice the normal. Not a very successful venture of the govt.

- When one spends long periods with other people, then their problems do get transferred to one. How does one stay unaffected? When does the detachment come?

- 'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
sign of on a friend's email and oh so true

- A first visit to a specialist bangle shop was fascinating. The man there puts various combinations of bangles together, after studying each saree, bringing up combinations we would never dream of. He was an artist. The bangles themselves probably dont cost too much but we are paying for the look, his artistry and the happiness of looking at art.I wish I could take some pics and do him justice. Next time.

Journey

2008-04-01T04:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a long trip can leave you feeling jaded more than refreshed. When its not just a holiday.But a few more things tagged on.

This was a landmark journey. For Darshini's convocation.Though, as she is quick to point out I ended up taking more pics of her friend whose parents hadn't come and only a couple of her.

Since my cousin Anandhi had come along, we did the Konark-Puri trip again with the families of other students.
Puri temple this time was not very crowded and we could see the deity for a few secs.
But, the pandas there do create a hysteria which is unnerving and force one to give handouts in desperation to get a glimpse of the deity.
Konark was amazing again. This time we dispensed with the guide and I realised I could hardly remember anything said from last time. So what is the point? One should be looking and finding out things for oneself. To see all those erotic carvings is rather embarrassing in company, especially with your children.What I enjoyed more was the shocked and embarrassed comments from the party of women.

Coming back to the house after a long break is a little shocking. The colours are mind blowing:-)Ravi wrote to ask if sun glasses are supplied or he has to bring his own.
But the still silence and no-demands-schedule is oh so soothing.

The Trek

2008-03-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. 26 km of trekking through forest, scrubland and up almost vertical bits. And Im home in one piece and functioning except for aching knees. Well, no mercy to them as I've been trying to write this and have been interrupted at least twenty times. Grown kids can be just as bad young ones when it comes to depending on you.

After a 2 hour journey over very bad road in a rickety jeep, we reached the forest hut and stayed there last night.Hut is a misnomer because it has all facilities except power.

Early this morning we started off with a guide. The first hour was through the forest which meant ducking under fallen branches and leaping over others and fording little streams. Then came wide open grassland till we forded the stream. Everyone was happily enthusiastic. After that were 3 hills with the path going almost vertically up across the hill. Then we were walking at our own pace inspite of the guide hurrying us up. He hardly let us sit or drink water.

Mukurthi peak is one of the highest peaks in the Nilgiris.It sits in a National Sanctuary of its own and the Forest department is doing its best to preserve it that way. We did see some deer and a wild boar and bison, but not a glimpse of a tiger though there were fresh pug marks at the water. At the peak, is a little temple.

Midway I was wondering why we needed to do this. To prove something?

If anyone is wondering why I am wearing some crazy clothes, it was because I forgot to take mine there. I really don't blame myself because I was in a real tizzy when we left. Coordinating the jeep driver and the guide, getting more and more clearances from the various officials, putting together the ingredients for three meals and all that might be needed for an overnight stay, warm clothes for all inbetween picking and dropping the kids at the lake and answering unrelated phone calls, while of course battling all my worries in the background - will it rain, will it be slippery, will the jeep driver turn up, will we make it, will I be able to walk....?
Sindhu, who elected to get onto a bus and join us suddenly, said' ma you've organised so many things, why are you stressed out?'A remark that really doesn't help when you are falling apart.

But the Gods were kind. And it was a great trip

what 's happening

2008-03-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

When I started blogging, it was purely catharsis. I was writing things that I felt and thought with much less inhibition then I would have if I was actually speaking to someone. I did tell some members of my family about it, but as usual, they didn't take much notice of it. So I blithely continued sounding off.

Then one day, suddenly I realised that people were reading the blog and they were people I didnt know. So, suddenly I was saying 'my daughter' instead of Sindhu and so on.Changes were made unconsciously.

A little while later, I realise that I don't speak my mind so freely anymore. 'what will they think'? is something that does come in. Negative thoughts are not written about so much. I have to strive now to be 'me.'

All I can say is, I will keep striving and not get slotted into a persona I think other people think is me.

To the handful of regular readers, who might be wondering if I've gone done under - I've been away for a few days. And now have the house and my time filled with a few friends of Darshini, my elder daughter - shopping, cooking, chopping, driving.

But its worth all the trouble when I can feast my eyes on a group of people tucking into 2 different types of cake and gulab jamuns just after a large breakfast. To the cook, it is wonderful after getting used to a crowd of middle aged low carb- low fat- low cholestrol-low cal- No, no no types.

We are contemplating a long long trek the day after tomorrow in virgin forest land. I had to sit outside the DFOs office for many many hours to get permission for this trip which were sad, to say filled with many many unbecoming thoughts.

I thought the trek was 2 hours up and 2 hours down, but i hear that it's more like 8 hours up and 8 hours down.

Im trying not to think of my very unathletic state. And if I can cope. This could be my last chance to do the trek. So, if I survive, I will be back here- with a limp maybe but victorious :-)))))))))))

Women's Day -We have come a long way Baby

2008-03-08T06:38:00.000-08:00

I thought Women's Day had gone by y'day without me even noticing it. Till Anandhi called in high spirits to ask how I was celebrating it.She had big plans since 3 of the kids were there, to go the beach and dinner with a few more friends. This year, no one seems to want to hear my words of wisdom ;-())

I did get quite a few messages about Shakthi etc so it couldn't have gone by quietly. besides a lot of programs on TV.But, I notice the Western channels are not really talking about this day. Maybe we Indians just need a reason to celebrate or we get only movie channels.

And I don't see anything wrong in celebrating. Glorious womanhood, or our emancipation on paper or the eternal fight to assert ourselves. A day just for us is not too bad. And the Shivsena is not objecting.So why not some fun and frolic whatever the excuse.

1857 is supposed to have been when it originated. The fight for equal labour laws and other laws. A mutiny that began with the Sepoy Mutiny?